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Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v.4

Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 4
Entertainment is an important and essential tool in everyone’s life today. Cinema and music are the most effective means of relaxation and entertainment in people’s life. They put off the stress of the people. After a hectic day in the office, one feels burden off only when he watches the television or his favourite film. However, nowadays there is a decline in people who is watching cinemas in the theatre. There are some important reasons for this cause. I will illustrate them along with the measures to solve the issue in the following phrases. In the first, the main cause for the decline in the number of people watching cinema is the arousal of piracy at peak level in the community. One feels that it is merely a waste of money to watch the film in the theatre when he can watch it for free or at a low price in the computer or in television by using the pirated DVD or CD. Secondly, people find it boring to watch the same routine stories; there are no new concepts and new messages being conveyed by the cinema. People nowadays are very busy with their daily life. Many of them prefer to stay at home to relax rather than watching a movie on the weekends. However, there are also reasons like the raised prices of the cinema tickets wherein people of all classes cannot afford it. However, measures like strict government rules for the eradication of the piracy must be implemented; seizing off the internet centres and other online centres for selling the pirated DVDs and CDs. Film industry must come up with new innovative concepts showing the advancement in technology, the life history of great leaders, historical stories and stories relating to the woman development and empowerment. Cinemas must show the reflection of the real life along with the entertainment they provide us. Furthermore, expense on film tickets must be liberalised so that everyone can watch the film. In addition, quality of the movies should be raised and there must be some standards set for the movies so that people of all the age group film comfortable to watch it. To conclude, the above-mentioned reasons are causes for the decline in the people watching movies. However, there are also remedies which I hope that the authority will look after.
Entertainment is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and essential tool in everyone’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinema
and music are the most effective means of relaxation and entertainment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They put off the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. After a hectic day in the office, one feels burden off
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watches
the television or his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
film.
However
, nowadays there is a decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
is
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons for this cause. I will illustrate them along with the measures to solve the issue in the following phrases.

In the
first
, the main cause for the decline in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
is the arousal of piracy at peak level in the community. One feels that it is
merely
a waste of money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the film in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
when he can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it for free or at a low price
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the computer".
in the computer
or in television by using the pirated DVD or CD.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it boring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the same routine stories; there are no new concepts and new messages
being conveyed
by the cinema.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
nowadays are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy with their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them prefer to stay at home to relax
rather
than watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
on the weekends.
However
, there are
also
reasons like the raised prices of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
tickets wherein
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all classes cannot afford it.

However
, measures like strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for the eradication of the piracy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be implemented
; seizing off the internet
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and other online
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
for selling the pirated DVDs and CDs. Film industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with new innovative concepts showing the advancement in technology, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
history of great leaders, historical stories and stories relating to the woman development and empowerment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinemas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the reflection of the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
along with the entertainment they provide us.
Furthermore
, expense on film tickets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'liberalised' is British English.
liberalised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that everyone can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the film.
In addition
, quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
should
be raised
and there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
standards set for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all the age group film comfortable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it.

To conclude
, the above-mentioned reasons are causes for the decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
However
, there are
also
remedies which I hope that the authority will look after.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
389 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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