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Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v.5

Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 5
In the past, going to the cinema was one of the commonest ways to spend one’s free time. However, nowadays, in some nations, this is not the case anymore. This essay will suggest that the root causes for this phenomenon are poor local film industry and the high cost of cinema tickets. Thus, the solutions will be to improve the movies’ quality and making the fee payable by all the population. The principle reason for the decline in cinema attendance in some countries is the poor local movie quality. Today, the main target for any film industry in these countries is only to gain some money, instead of entertaining the audience. Thus, they tend to hire inexperienced actors and use cheap resources, so that they pay less and hence, gain more. Another reason to mention is that the tickets are being even more expensive than before, which restricts the attendance to rich people, while even medium-classed population cannot afford its costs. The most practical solution to tackle this issue is to enhance the quality of film industry. Filmmakers can hire well-experienced actors and actresses, and pay more in production and advertising. This will increase the attendance and in turn, will increase the profits. The government can also help by buying international movies like Hollywood movies. One other important measure to increase numbers of the audience is to lower the costs of attendance, so as to make it accessible to all population regardless of their ability to pay. To summarise, the decline in cinema attendance has become a widespread problem in some countries. Bad quality of local film industry is one of the most important causes, but fortunately, there are many ways to improve this situation. So, this problem is expected to be solved in the coming years.
In the past, going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
was one of the commonest ways to spend one’s free time.
However
, nowadays, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, this is not the case anymore. This essay will suggest that the root causes for this phenomenon are poor local film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
and the high cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
tickets.
Thus
, the solutions will be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
and making the fee payable by all the population.

The
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
reason for the decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries is the poor local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the main target for any film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
in these countries is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money,
instead
of entertaining the audience.
Thus
, they tend to hire inexperienced actors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
resources,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they pay less and
hence
, gain more. Another reason to mention is that the tickets are being even more expensive than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, which restricts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
to rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, while even medium-classed population cannot afford its costs.

The most practical solution to tackle this issue is to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
. Filmmakers can hire well-experienced actors and actresses, and pay more in production and advertising. This will increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
and in turn, will increase the profits. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
by buying international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
like Hollywood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. One other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
measure to increase numbers of the audience is to lower the costs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it accessible to all population regardless of their ability to pay.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, the decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
has become a widespread problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of local film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
causes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fortunately
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this problem is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
be solved
in the coming years.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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