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Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v.5

Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v. 5
Because education plays an important role in the development of a nation, governments are responsible to support schooling, especially for children. While some opinions suggest that spending more on child pedagogy brings many drawbacks, I believe that there are more benefits than drawbacks when it comes to investment in education. On the one hand, despite high expenditures in education for kids, some countries have failed to increase the proficiency of children in the study such as math and reading. Meanwhile, statistics show that poor children who have to struggle for tuition fee perform better at school. It is perhaps that some children are neglected if they are provided free education. On the other hand, giving free access to school helps many children to study without any concern of financial burden. As a result, if children are well educated, they tend to secure better jobs and be able to contribute to the economic development of a nation. There are evident examples that citizens of developed countries who receive free education take account for well-paid jobs while people in developing or underdeveloped countries who are not educated properly have to take labor jobs at very low rate. Furthermore, if education is free, earning equality is also ensured which help reduce the gap between the poor and the rich in society. In conclusion, although education for children cost a lot of money and may result in unintended results such as neglect or less progress in the study, there are significant advantages of reducing the inequality in earning in the society and increasing economic development of a country if the governments support child education. Therefore, I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the development of a nation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are responsible to support schooling,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opinions suggest that spending more on child pedagogy brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks, I believe that there are more benefits than drawbacks when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to investment in education.

On the one hand, despite high expenditures in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for kids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have failed to increase the proficiency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the study such as math and reading. Meanwhile, statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle for tuition fee perform better at school. It is perhaps that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are neglected
if they
are provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
education.

On the other hand
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
access to school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study without any concern of financial burden.
As a result
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
, they tend to secure better jobs and be able to contribute to the economic development of a nation. There are evident examples that citizens of developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
take account for well-paid jobs while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in developing or underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who are not educated
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take labor jobs at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low rate.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
, earning equality is
also
ensured which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the gap between the poor and the rich in society.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and may result in unintended results such as neglect or less progress in the study, there are significant advantages of reducing the inequality in earning in the society and increasing economic development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
support child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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