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Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantage? v.1

Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantage? v. 1
In an era of knowledge-based economy, education for all is a crucial concept. The impacts of government funding for children's education have aroused widespread controversy. As far as I am concerned, the potential benefits of this initiative overshadow its perceived drawbacks. Admittedly, there may be challenges if governments offer to pay for all children's educational expenses. For one thing, taking full responsibility for next generation's education is likely to incur an enormous financial burden for governments. In other words, governments are accountable for not only education, but other public services, such as public transport, health care, and so forth. For another, it is also possible that some parents will take advantage of this policy. To be specific, people who are not morally aware may take it for granted and refuse to contribute to their sons' and daughters' future development, thus failing to play their roles in parenting. Nevertheless, governments' engagement in children's education brings more profoundly positive impacts. First and foremost, providing education for children, regardless of their races and ethnicities can effectively foster educational equality. For instance, in many underdeveloped areas of the world, multitudes of parents have to work overtime in order to pay mounting bills. In this regard, if governments share some of children's tuition fees and accommodation fees, this will be a real blessing for families that are economically disadvantaged. Moreover, under no circumstances should authorities downplay and neglect children's education. A convincing example is No Child Left Behind Act in the United States. By investing a considerable amount of money in supporting elementary and secondary education, the American government will, in a long term, promote overall social development and well-being of its people. In brief, children's education deserves financial support from governments. Meanwhile, it should be borne in mind that educating the next generation is a shared obligation for governments as well as individuals.
In an era of knowledge-based economy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for all is a crucial concept. The impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
have aroused widespread controversy. As far as I
am concerned
, the potential benefits of this initiative overshadow its perceived drawbacks.

Admittedly
, there may be challenges if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
offer to pay for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
educational expenses. For one thing, taking full responsibility for
next
generation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is likely to incur an enormous financial burden for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are accountable for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other public services, such as public transport, health care, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. For another, it is
also
possible that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents will take advantage of this policy. To be specific,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are not
morally
aware may take it for granted and refuse to contribute to their sons' and daughters' future development,
thus
failing to play their roles in parenting.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
' engagement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
brings more
profoundly
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
 impacts.

First
and foremost, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for children, regardless of their races and ethnicities can 
effectively
foster educational equality.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
underdeveloped areas of the world, multitudes of parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work overtime in order to pay mounting bills. In this regard, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
tuition fees and accommodation fees, this will be a real blessing for families that are 
economically
disadvantaged.

Moreover
, under no circumstances should authorities downplay and neglect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. A convincing example is No Child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Left
Behind Act in the United States. By investing a considerable amount of money in supporting elementary and secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will, in a long term, promote
overall
social development and well-being of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In brief
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
deserves financial support from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. Meanwhile, it should
be borne
in mind that educating the
next
generation is a shared obligation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
as well
as individuals.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantage? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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