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Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. v. 1
Mothers will try their best to provide the best environment for their children. Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible, other children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they reach six or seven years old. In this essay, I am going to discuss the advantages of children attending school at a young age. Nursery schools are places dedicated to child development. It is designed for the children starting from two to three years old, to help them in their physical, mental and emotional development. There are facilities and toys to help children to learn basic skills, there are also teachers that are trained in helping children grow in the nursery schools. Also, as there are other children in nursery schools, children can learn to interact with others, which homeschooling can not provide. This is the first advantages of attending school from the age of three. The second advantages of attending school is it also provides a better environment for the family. Taking care of a child is a tiring twenty-four-seven job. Mother and father are the only one responsible for the child grow. By putting the child in school, mother and father can have more freedom and leisure time. They can take the time to learn from others to become a better parent. They can also put more time and energy to family to create a better environment. In conclusion, I believe children attending school at age of two is better than homeschooling children until they are six or seven. As it provides a better environment for child development, and also provides a better environment for family taking care of the children.
Mothers will try their best to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to stay at home and play until they reach six or seven years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. In this essay, I am going to discuss the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at a young age.

Nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are places dedicated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
development. It
is designed
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
starting from two to three years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their physical, mental and emotional development. There are facilities and toys to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, there are
also
teachers that
are trained
in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow in the nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Also
, as there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn to interact with others, which homeschooling can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
. This is the
first
advantages of attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
from the age of three.

The second advantages of attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for the family. Taking care of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is a tiring twenty-four-seven job. Mother and father are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
grow. By putting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, mother and father can have more freedom and leisure time. They can take the time to learn from others to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
parent. They can
also
put more time and energy to family to create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
environment.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at age of two is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than homeschooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
until they are six or seven. As it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
development, and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for family taking care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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