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Some students work while studying. This often results in lack of time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.5

Some students work while studying. This often results in lack of time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 5
Most of the students prefer a job with studies, It may lead to students to focus on work compared to studies. This causes the students don’t use knowledge in work. By some factor It is possible to resolve these kind of issues. As per my opinion, Good study is important, but nowadays everything is expensive like education, their own needs, food. Sometimes students are not able to afford these needs because they start to do part time job. To come up with a solution I feel government should change the education system. They should provide free studies up to higher secondary after that the basic fees of colleges should be free so every student learn up in college. The government should introduce free e-learning to every student. To continue, when the learning is free students will focus on studies. They won’t try to run for earning money. If still not fulfilled their need, they should start teaching at the same college, so with the studies sharing the knowledge helpful them to grow themselves. This kind of part time job should introduce into the education system. The authority should introduce scholarship for students who are excellent, good and average. The amount can vary as per the marks they earn. To conclude, education is important to each and every person. If uses in a proper way with the help of government and students’ contributions than no students will start work early in the age. Once they will get good knowledge, jobs are easy to get.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, It may lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to focus on work compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. This causes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
knowledge in work. By
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factor It is possible to resolve
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of issues.

As per my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays everything is expensive like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
needs, food.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not able to afford these needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to do
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with a solution I feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system. They should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
up to higher secondary after that the basic fees of colleges should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
learn up in college. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
e-learning to every student.

To continue, when the learning is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. They won’t try to run for earning money. If
still
not fulfilled their need, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
teaching at the same college,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
sharing the knowledge helpful them to grow themselves. This kind of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
should introduce into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system. The authority should introduce scholarship for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are excellent,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and average. The amount can vary as per the marks they earn.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to each and every person. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
contributions than no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
work early in the age. Once they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students work while studying. This often results in lack of time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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