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Some people believe that the goverment should takr care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say indiciduals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Is it a positivr or negative development? v.1

Some people believe that the goverment should takr care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say indiciduals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Is it a positivr or negative development? v. 1
In this fast changing mordern era, every age-group need certain facilities for their survival. Although half the population believes that people should get government support after retirement, on the contrary, feels that they want everyone to save money for their future while they are working. I will shine on both sides. In my opinion, taking care of old people is important for society and government. To accompany, there are many reasons why some people consider against providing facilities such as financial help to retirees. First, the government can introduce more development projects that help improve the economy and development of the country rather than giving people beneficial services after retirement. For example, the latest studies prove that many nations ban facilities after retirement and focus more on developing valuable public projects. In addition, it is seen that sometimes relatives or others cheat on retired people to get money for their service. This is why some people may not get these benefits On the contrary, nowadays, due to more competition in every field, survival has become relatively difficult. First and foremost, after a certain age, people lose their physical strength and are unable to do labor work such as working as a laborer in factories and drivers etc. Therefore, in this situation they need financial support for basic needs of home, shoes, clothes and food etc. Additionally, in today's world, there are some sons and daughters who leave their parents alone, the government needs to build more old age homes where they get proper basic needs and care. Even the rapidly increasing cost of living and food items adversely affects older people who do not have sufficient savings. To demolish the whole notion, I gather that retired people contributed their lives for the development of society. Therefore, after retirement, it is the duty of society and government to take care of these people and ensure their better survival
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
changing
Possible spelling mistake found.
mordern
era, every age-group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
certain facilities for their survival. Although half the population believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
support after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
,
on the contrary
, feels that they want everyone to save money for their future while they are working. I will shine on both sides. In my opinion, taking care of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To accompany, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider against providing facilities such as financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to retirees.
First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can introduce more development projects that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy and development of the country
rather
than giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
beneficial services after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
.
For example
, the latest studies prove that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations ban facilities after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
and focus more on developing valuable public projects.
In addition
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
relatives or others cheat on retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money for their service. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
benefits


On the contrary
, nowadays, due to more competition in every field, survival has become
relatively
difficult.
First
and foremost, after a certain age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their physical strength and are unable to do labor work such as working as a laborer in factories and drivers etc.
Therefore
, in this situation they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
financial support for basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of home, shoes, clothes and food etc.
Additionally
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sons and daughters who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their parents alone, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to build more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age homes where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and care. Even the
rapidly
increasing cost of living and food items
adversely
affects older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have sufficient savings.

To demolish the whole notion, I gather that retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contributed their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for the development of society.
Therefore
, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
, it is the duty of society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to take care of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and ensure their better survival
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people believe that the goverment should takr care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say indiciduals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Is it a positivr or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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