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Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. with this opinion? v. 5
Perhaps no issue had led to such an endless debate as to whether or not those who are rised by unwealthy families are more likely to brave the hardships when they become an adult in comparison with those who have financially richer parents. My stand is that although some children come from poor families might stand out in a crowd, it is better for children to be brought up in well-off families. I admit that a humble family have some positive roles to play in helping children ready themselves for adult life. For one thing, people of low or middle economic statuses often grow up to be self-made, mature and factual than those who are well-protected by affluent parents because they have to rely on honest hard work at early age. Harsh reality lets them know they have no choice but to try if they desire to be better than others. For another, poor children usually have burning desires to change their fate and thus they usually have a goal to try their best. Fine parenting, however, has positive roles to play in one’s growth and future. Initially, children from affluent families tend to be more extroverted and positive because they know more about the world and good state of mind. In this sense, they can be still happy even they have the difficulties. Also, well-to-do parents usually come from elite class, their personal struggle experience will set a fine learning example for their children. Meanwhile, almost successful parents usually have more concerns over children’s moral education, character training. The third benefit of being born into a rich family is that elite parents can provide their children with more financial support, which could help their children get what they wish to have in life. Fore example, well-born children could receive better education, acquire more skills and travel around the globe and so on. Overall, it is no easy task to judge which family background will decide the ability to deal with problem of an individual. My firm stand is still that although children coming from unwealthy families might become mature more quickly, it is more lucky for children to be raised by financially advantageous parents.
Perhaps no issue had led to such an endless debate
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
as to whether or not
those who are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "rose", the past tense form of the verb 'rise'?
rised
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
unwealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are more likely to brave the hardships when they become an adult
in comparison
with those who have
financially
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. My stand is that although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
might stand out in a crowd, it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be brought
up in well-off families.

I admit that a humble
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
roles to play in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ready themselves for adult life. For one thing,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of low or middle economic statuses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
grow up to be self-made, mature and
Use "(factual)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
factual
than those who are well-protected by affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely on honest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work at early age. Harsh reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
them know they have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to try if they desire to be better than others. For another, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
have burning desires to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their fate and
thus
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
have a goal to try their best.

Fine parenting,
however
, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
roles to play in one’s growth and future.
Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
tend to be more extroverted and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know more about the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
state of mind. In this sense, they can be
still
happy even they have the difficulties.
Also
, well-to-do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from elite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, their personal struggle experience will set a fine learning example for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Meanwhile, almost successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
have more concerns over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
moral education, character training. The third benefit of
being born
into a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is that elite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with more financial support, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they wish to have in life. Fore example, well-born
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could receive better education, acquire more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and travel around the globe and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Overall
, it is no easy task to judge which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background will decide the ability to deal with problem of an individual. My firm stand is
still
that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
coming from
Possible spelling mistake found.
unwealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
might become mature more
quickly
, it is more lucky for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be raised
by
financially
advantageous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. with this opinion? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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