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Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this? v.7

Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this? v. 7
Nowadays, there are a growing number of immature have been influenced by playing harsh games which it may lead to crimes finally. Notably, it can happen in most cities of the world. To beging, there are a growing number of immature have been addicted by playing games which it is related crimes and violence either on computer or other means like playstations, and nintendo. So tough and rough games, it might move children from imagination to perform it in the real world. It is undeniable, that it will affect on children' s behaviours in the future. In that light, they will possibly bulid wrong concepts in their mind. On the one hand, there are a lot of harsh games can be played online which they can access to connect with other people to play around the world. For example Trigger Down, and Devil' s Ride and so on. When individuals play these kind of games, it will be a reason to affect on children mentally undoubtedly. Hence, they will start to apply that on the real phase. Wheras, there are a number of children have commited when they grew up. To be more specific, for example, in Australia, there is one child his name is philip, who took his father' s gun secretly, and wrapped it in his school bag. And at school time, he commited a crime by killing his classmate at school. On the other hand, individuals are being influenced when they play these games. As it is easy to gamers to be affeced psychologically. Furthermore, there is a medical report posted in psychology care community journal in Sweden shows that they received multiple of complicated conditions in immatures' mind, as it was really hard to turn them into the right way. However, they succeed in solving many cases professionally. To sum up, it is inevitabe to say that growing crime scenes among children were connected with these games. Noting, bloody games' sketches will affect on gamers. For this reason, child' s emotion may be destroyed while watching it. Furtheremore, parent' s surveillance play an integral role in guiding their children what to play, in turn to decrease from this phenomenon. Therefore, limited access to tough computer' s games or internet will eradicate from this issue.
Nowadays, there are a growing number of immature have
been influenced
by playing harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which it may lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
finally
.
Notably
, it can happen in most cities of the world.

To
Possible spelling mistake found.
beging
, there are a growing number of immature have
been addicted
by playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which it
is related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and violence either on computer or other means like
Possible spelling mistake found.
playstations
, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
nintendo
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
tough and rough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, it might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from imagination to perform it in the real world. It is undeniable, that it will
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
in the future. In that light, they will
possibly
Possible spelling mistake found.
bulid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
concepts in their mind.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
be played
online which they can access to connect with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
around the world.
For example
Trigger Down, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Devil&
#039; s Ride and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. When individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, it will be a reason to
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mentally
undoubtedly
.
Hence
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to apply that on the real phase.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wheras
, there are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "committed", the past tense form of the verb 'commit'?
commited
when they grew up. To be more specific,
for example
, in Australia, there is one child his name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
philip
, who took his
Possible spelling mistake found.
father&
#039; s gun
secretly
, and wrapped it in his school bag. And at school time, he
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "committed", the past tense form of the verb 'commit'?
commited
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
by killing his classmate at school.

On the other hand
, individuals are
being influenced
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it is easy to gamers to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
affeced
psychologically
.
Furthermore
, there is a medical report posted in psychology care community journal in Sweden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they received multiple of complicated conditions in
Possible spelling mistake found.
immatures&
#039; mind, as it was
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to turn them into the right way.
However
, they succeed in solving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases
professionally
.

To sum up, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
inevitabe
to say that growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
scenes among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were connected
with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Noting, bloody
Possible spelling mistake found.
games&
#039; sketches will
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on gamers.
For this reason
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s emotion may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
while watching it.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Furtheremore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s surveillance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an integral role in guiding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
what to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
, in turn to decrease from this phenomenon.
Therefore
, limited access to tough
Possible spelling mistake found.
computer&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or internet will eradicate from this issue.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Mistakes

IELTS essay Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this? v. 7

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
378 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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