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Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. v.3

Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. v. 3
Today, learning foreign languages is a great beneficial skill because we live in a communicated era and knowing different languages makes communication easier, therefore I personally agree that foreign language should be taught to children as early as possible. Firstly, human brain ability will decrease when they grow up. Several recent research indicates that children can memorise and understand new languages automatically after they are born until 4 years, and afterwards, this ability will decrease. So adults need more efforts to learn such things. As a result, it is better that somebody trains them as soon as they start school. Furthermore, in this age children do not have any involvement in important tasks or problems, because they do not have any responsibility to worry about and can concentrate on their study, they can learn new things quickly and more efficiently. On the contrary, adults concern about jobs, earning, future, personal and social life and many other things.   Also, they can learn another language more easily in their childhood than in adolescence period. Finally, some people disagree with this matter and claim that the other subjects are more important than learning foreign languages and it is better that teachers allocated the time of this subject to another field such as mathematics and science, however, researchers believe that learning a foreign language help to improve other skills, since it is very challenging and enhance the brain’s abilities. In conclusion, I personally think, children should learn another language as soon as possible because their brains are more ready to understand new information and also they have less distraction when they study.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is a great beneficial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a communicated era and knowing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
communication easier,
therefore
I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as early as possible.

Firstly
, human brain ability will decrease when they grow up. Several recent research indicates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorise' is British English.
memorise
and understand new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
automatically
after they
are born
until 4 years, and afterwards, this ability will decrease.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
adults need more efforts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
such things.
As a result
, it is better that somebody trains them as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
school.

Furthermore
, in this age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have any involvement in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tasks or problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have any responsibility to worry about and can concentrate on their study, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new things
quickly
and more
efficiently
.
On the contrary
, adults concern about jobs, earning, future, personal and social life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Also
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
more
easily
in their childhood than in adolescence period.

Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with this matter and claim that the other subjects are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
and it is better that teachers allocated the time of this subject to another field such as mathematics and science,
however
, researchers believe that learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, since it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
challenging and enhance the brain’s abilities.

In conclusion
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their brains are more ready to understand new information and
also
they have less distraction when they study.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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