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Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. v.1

Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. v. 1
Nowadays, we live in a globalised advance era in which learning a new language has become one of the great concerns of every person. Some people believe that since one language is not adequate for communication, children should start to learn a foreign language in their primary schools. I strongly agree with this statement due to the following reasons. First of all, if someone wants to see outcome soon, one must start sooner. To be more precise, brain ability in learning new language reduces with growing up. Additionally, scientists claim that unlike the misconception of parents, children do not confuse the words of their mother tongue with a studied language, but they learn more efficiently. Secondly, learning a new language can broaden children’s horizon because of enhancing their social skills. When they learn a foreign language, they become more interested in that country and can make a connection with more easily. Moreover, they can cope with their future issues related to their field of study by having access to the variety of sources presented in their second language. When children start their early education, their minds remain fresh and they can catch more information. It is the ideal time to learn a new language so they can master the language in short time. Besides, they do not learn a language all of a random. Rather this is decided by the parents, teacher and that has a cultural perspective that the children should learn at the earlier stage rather than the later stages of life. Finally, adults always are afraid of making mistakes when they learn a new language and this fear is one of the biggest barriers in this process. Moreover, they are always distracted with their problems related to their work, family and etc. Therefore, they need more efforts in comparison to the children.
Nowadays, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalised' is British English.
globalised
advance era in which learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has become one of the great concerns of every person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that since one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is not adequate for communication,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in their primary schools. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement due to the following reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if someone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
outcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
sooner. To be more precise, brain ability in learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
with growing up.
Additionally
, scientists claim that unlike the misconception of parents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not confuse the words of their mother tongue with a studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more
efficiently
.

Secondly
, learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
can broaden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
horizon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of enhancing their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. When they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, they become more interested in that country and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a connection with more
easily
.
Moreover
, they can cope with their future issues related to their field of study by having access to the variety of sources presented in their second language.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their early education, their minds remain
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fresh and
they can catch more information. It is the ideal time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can master the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in short time.
Besides
, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
all of a random.
Rather
this
is decided
by the parents, teacher and that has a cultural perspective that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
at the earlier stage
rather
than the later stages of life.

Finally
, adults
The adverb 'always' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
always are
afraid of making mistakes when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and this fear is one of the biggest barriers in this process.
Moreover
, they are always distracted with their problems related to their work, family
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Therefore
, they need more efforts
in comparison
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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