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Children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activity among children v.4

Children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activity among children v. 4
Many adolescents in many countries tend to spend their time on television these days, but not only television, but there are also many streaming platforms that divert their attention such as YouTube and Netflix. The main reason, that children are addicted to the entertainment media, is the lack of social communication between a family. This essay will discuss why is this the case? And how to divert children’s attention doing another activity? The main cause of television addiction is less communication between a family because many parents are too busy to take care of their children. They focus on how to monetize. Moreover, some parents work ten hours a day and leave their children on television. As a result, their children are the lack of skills such as communication skills, critical thinking skills, and problem-solving skills. Children could acquire those skills if they do more activities with people. On top of that, young children need to do outdoor activities. Some children today don’t go to a playground anymore because their parents don’t have much time to take them to a playground. Not only parents are busy because of their job, but also a lot of household chores. However, this essay believes there are many ways to solve this issue. Basically, parents should spend more time with their children. For example, if some parents had to do a lot of household chores, they would do that with their children. It would make to spend more time with their children. In addition, they should organize their schedules and put family hours on their schedules for doing some activities with children, such as playing board games, playing video games, and playing football. In conclusion, although many parents don’t have much time, they should do some activities with their children frequently. It would improve children’s skills. Moreover, it would divert their attention from televisions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
adolescents in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries tend to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
streaming platforms that divert their attention such as YouTube and Netflix. The main reason, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addicted
to the entertainment media, is the lack of social communication between a family. This essay will discuss why is this the case? And how to divert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
attention doing another activity?

The main cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
addiction is less communication between a family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are too busy to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They focus on how to monetize.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
work ten hours a day and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
As a result
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, critical thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, and problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
could acquire those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
if they do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
On top of that
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to do outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
don’t go to a playground anymore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
don’t have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take them to a playground. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
household chores.

However
, this essay believes there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to solve this issue.
Basically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
household chores, they would do that with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
, they should organize their schedules and put family hours on their schedules for doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, such as playing board games, playing video games, and playing football.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
don’t have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
frequently
. It would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Moreover
, it would divert their attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activity among children v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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