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Children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activity among children? v.2

Children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activity among children? v. 2
Nowadays, due to the lack of safe playgrounds and the appealing contents of TV shows, children are spending more time than ever watching television, which remarkably shrinks their time of taking proper exercises. More insights into the underlying causes of this phenomenon and several feasible solutions regarding the intervention of both authorities and TV producers present in this essay. The ever-rising screen time recorded among children can be attributed to two main factors. Firstly, since there is a shortage of public recreational areas and existing ones are mostly filled with such threats as pollution, social evils and the potential of accidents, the chances of children taking up outdoor activities are undermined. Secondly, due to the proliferation of interesting, enticing TV shows targeted at young watchers, it is undeniable that kids find it difficult to resist the temptation of turning on the television. Therefore, children would devote their time gluing to a screen rather than going outdoors. Measures to tackle this issue involve the role of government to allocate more funds to establish new playgrounds for children. In addition, stricter laws and regulations should perhaps be implemented to ensure a safer environment for kids to participate in open-air activities. Other possible methods TV companies could adopt would be to reduce the number of cartoons shown on TV or to promote programs that serve as a warning regarding the deleterious effects of watching TV excessively can have on kids themselves. A prime illustration of this can be seen in France, where tobacco-style warnings are incorporated on every channel. These curtains have successfully informed viewers about the negative health impacts of watching television on the development of infants. In conclusion, it is the insufficiency of safe public places and the explosion of luring TV shows that results in the undue amount of screen time in children. Were the government to invest more money to introduce reliable recreational areas, and TV stations to hold shows that raise viewers’ awareness, the situation would doubtless improve.
Nowadays, due to the lack of safe playgrounds and the appealing contents of TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than ever watching television, which
remarkably
shrinks their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of taking proper exercises. More insights into the underlying causes of this phenomenon and several feasible solutions regarding the intervention of both authorities and TV producers present in this essay.

The ever-rising screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
recorded among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be attributed
to two main factors.
Firstly
, since there is a shortage of public recreational areas and existing ones are
mostly
filled with such threats as pollution, social evils and the potential of accidents, the chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
taking up outdoor activities
are undermined
.
Secondly
, due to the proliferation of interesting, enticing TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
targeted at young watchers, it is undeniable that kids find it difficult to resist the temptation of turning on the television.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would devote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
gluing to a screen
rather
than going outdoors.

Measures to tackle this issue involve the role of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to allocate more funds to establish new playgrounds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
, stricter laws and regulations should perhaps
be implemented
to ensure a safer environment for kids to participate in open-air activities. Other possible methods TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
could adopt would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of cartoons shown on TV or to promote programs that serve as a warning regarding the deleterious effects of watching TV
excessively
can have on kids themselves. A prime illustration of this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in France, where tobacco-style warnings
are incorporated
on every channel. These curtains have
successfully
informed viewers about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
health impacts of watching television on the development of infants.

In conclusion
, it is the insufficiency of safe public places and the explosion of luring TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
that results in the undue amount of screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Were the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to invest more money to introduce reliable recreational areas, and TV stations to hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
that raise viewers’ awareness, the situation would doubtless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activity among children? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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