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Children nowadays are playing less and less sport and this is having a bad effect on their health and their behaviour. Why do you think this is happening? What can we do to solve the problem? v.1

Children nowadays are playing less and less sport and this is having a bad effect on their health and their behaviour. Why do you think this is happening? What can we do to solve the problem? v. 1
Doing exercises and having a regular sport schedule are significant factors for both adults and children in terms of being healthy. Today, kids tend to be more inactive in their lives and this circumstance impacts them badly. Several causes may lead to the problem of playing less sport for children, however, this problem can be dealt with by offering various solutions. Numerous reasons can cause the problem of lack of exercises among children. Firstly, it can be said that one of the reasons of this problem is not having enough sport facilities in cities. When there is no place which is allowed for millennials to participate in different kinds of sports, new generation kids cannot do the exercises they need to being psychically and mentally healthy. As a result, kids may be more inactive in their lives. Secondly, using so much technology and spending lots of time in front of screens can also lead to some problems about generation Z children’s well-being and attitudes. It is obvious that the kids are accustomed to play more and more video games and watch television nowadays. Almost every child has their own smartphones, even some of them have two. Therefore, they may lose their ability to communicate with others because of being addicted to the technology. However, several solutions can be offered to cope with the problem of being inactive for children. Firstly, both the government and non-governmental organisations should work for constructing more sports places where students do exercises and meet new friends. Therefore, kids’ behaviours and health can easily develop in terms of feeling more active and social. For instance, according to a research conducted in Germany in the year 2005, the more the new generation kids take part in sports events and courses, the more they tend to be more well-behaved for their friends and family. Secondly, in terms of using so much technology on a daily basis, parents should set limits to their usage of technological devices. Also, older family members should support their kids by doing various activities together. Moreover, they should educate their kids about being healthy and well-behaved. Hence, generation Z children may spend much time with their parents and siblings rather than being addicted to the technological devices. In conclusion, currently, children are likely to be inactive by not doing any kinds of sports in their lives. Although, there are several causes which may lead to the problem of lack of exercising, some solutions such as the together work of the government and parents of children can be offered to solve it. Parents had better to raise their children's awareness of importance of being active for well behaving and keeping healthy.
Doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and having a regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
schedule are significant factors for both adults and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in terms of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
tend to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inactive
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and this circumstance impacts them
badly
. Several causes may lead to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of playing less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be dealt
with by offering various solutions.

Numerous reasons can cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, it can
be said
that one of the reasons of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is not having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities in cities. When there is no place which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for millennials to participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, new generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
cannot do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
they need to being
psychically
and mentally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
may be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inactive
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Secondly
, using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much technology and spending lots of time in front of screens can
also
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
about generation Z
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
well-being and attitudes. It is obvious that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are
The verb 'are' is used with the gerund form: "accustomed to playing".
accustomed to play
more and more video games and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television nowadays. Almost every child has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
smartphones, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have two.
Therefore
, they may lose their ability to communicate with others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
being addicted
to the technology.

However
, several solutions can
be offered
to cope with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inactive
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and non-governmental
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should work for constructing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
places where students do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new friends.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and health can
easily
develop in terms of feeling more active and social.
For instance
, according to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted in Germany in the year 2005, the more the new generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and courses, the more they tend to be more well-behaved for their friends and family.
Secondly
, in terms of using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much technology on a daily basis,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should set limits to their usage of technological devices.
Also
, older family members should support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
by doing various activities together.
Moreover
, they should educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
about being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and well-behaved.
Hence
, generation Z
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may spend much time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and siblings
rather
than
being addicted
to the technological devices.

In conclusion
,
currently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inactive
by not doing any kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Although, there are several causes which may lead to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of lack of exercising,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions such as the together work of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be offered
to solve it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
had better to raise their children's awareness of importance of being active for well behaving and keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Children nowadays are playing less and less sport and this is having a bad effect on their health and their behaviour. Why do you think this is happening? What can we do to solve the problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
446 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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