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-children learn more by observing the behavior of adults. Do you agree or disagree? Give your openion with relevant examples. v.2

-children learn more by observing the behavior of adults. Give your openion with relevant examples. v. 2
Parents should be careful about everything they do because Children always learn the thing by observing and copying them. From my point of view, I agree with the idea for many reasons that kids learn a thing by observing adults. The reason why I agree with suggestion will be discussed in detail. To begin with, I believe that every parent do can affect their kids because kids always learn by observing and then copying parents. I will compare the kids with a white paper that you can draw and put anything on a blank page for example, if you want to teach them to be a polite and humble person you should teach them to say thank you first since little because of their still innocent and do not know what is the right thing or wrong thing but if you teach them the wrong thing at kids, they will learn and remember forever. Many kids have their parents were a role model because they saw them since born and want to be like them. In my case, I want to be kind and humble like my mom because everything she does and did really affect me a lot since being a kid. I do follow her everywhere and copy everything she did. My dream is wanting to be like her when I grow up. My mom is the most beautiful women that another can not compare. She has a kind heart, always humble and everyone loves her. In conclusion, every action from an adult will affect children because they will copy and follow adults because they do not know what is the right or wrong thing that why adults should care about every action they do or did it can affect their kids.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should be careful about everything they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Children always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the thing by observing and copying them. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a thing by observing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. The reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with suggestion will
be discussed
in detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I believe that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
do can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
by observing and then copying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I will compare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with a white paper that you can draw and put anything on a blank page
for example
, if you want to teach them to be a polite and humble person you should teach them to say thank you
first
since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
still
innocent and do not know what is the right thing or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if you teach them the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
thing at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and remember forever.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were a role model
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
them since born and want to be like them. In my case, I want to be kind and humble like my mom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everything she does and did
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
me a lot since being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
. I do follow her everywhere and copy everything she did. My dream
The verb 'wanting' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is wanting
to be like her when I grow up. My mom is the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
women that another can not compare. She has a kind heart, always humble and everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
her.

In conclusion
, every action from an adult will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will copy and follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not know what is the right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
thing that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should care about every action they do or did it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay -children learn more by observing the behavior of adults. Give your openion with relevant examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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