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the growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.11

the growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 11
Due to rapid change in lifestyle, sedentary life has become normal among all sections of people. The increase in number of individuals who are overweight posing a serious threat to the health care system in order to deal with the repercussions. Some are of opine that the efficient solution to this issue, is to introduce physical training courses as part of children syllabus. I completely agree with this statement as this is the perfect solution to tackle the problems associated with the obesity. To begin with, issues related to overweight and its consequences can be tackled by implementing sports in the school curriculum. By this way, students can learn the health benifits of engaging in physical games as part of their daily routine. For example, if the administration made mandatory to pass the physical test, this automatically motivates all individuals to take up the challange. In addition to that, it not only motivates them to become fitter, but also realises them how health is essential in order to pursue their goals. Another point to consider is that having sport lessons in school gives confidence to perform at an international level and can represent one's country. This encourages other parents to join their kids in gym. By implementing these methods, it not only improves the health of community, but also motivates individuals to take part in games that gives competitiveness among juvenile. Therefore, this is certainly a natural and lasting way to improve public health. In conclusion, due to modern sedentary lifestyle, public health is deteriorating. In order to deal with the individuals who are unfit, introducing sports is the optimal solutions for all generations.
Due to rapid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in lifestyle, sedentary life has become normal among all sections of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The increase in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who are overweight posing a serious threat to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system in order to deal with the repercussions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of opine that the efficient solution to this issue, is to introduce physical training courses as part of children syllabus. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as this is the perfect solution to tackle the problems associated with the obesity.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, issues related to overweight and its consequences can
be tackled
by implementing sports in the school curriculum. By this way, students can learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifits
of engaging in physical games as part of their daily routine.
For example
, if the administration made mandatory to pass the physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
, this
automatically
motivates all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to take up the
Possible spelling mistake found.
challange
.
In addition
to that, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
motivates them to become fitter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'realises' is British English.
realises
them how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is essential in order to pursue their goals.

Another point to consider is that having sport lessons in school gives confidence to perform at an international level and can represent one's country. This encourages other parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their kids in gym. By implementing these methods, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of community,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in games that gives competitiveness among juvenile.
Therefore
, this is
certainly
a natural and lasting way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public health.

In conclusion
, due to modern sedentary lifestyle, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is deteriorating. In order to deal with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who are unfit, introducing sports is the optimal solutions for all generations.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay the growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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