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-children learn more by observing the behavior of adults. Do you agree or disagree? Give your openion with relevant examples. v.1

-children learn more by observing the behavior of adults. Give your openion with relevant examples. v. 1
There is no denying that children behaviour are complicated. It is thought by some people that children behave from what they see from the adults. In my opinion, I completely agree that being an example for the children can produce the best outcome. Firstly, research has found that children brains will not develop until they reached the specific age. Also, the abilities to learn in each children are varies on factors. But the children developed the ability to see at the same period. For that reason, in case of the brain of the children are still not functional and cannot logically understand the reason behind all the acts from the adults, they can experience the behaviours of the adults from their eyes. For instance, children that experienced violence from the parents tend to using force and strength to solve their problems. Secondly, teaching the children logics without example is incredibly hard to understand from their perspective. To illustrate, children will usually speak the same way as their parents, even their parents taught them not to do the same, in this case, using curse words. Because the children also observe their parents by listening, and the parents are acting as examples without noticing this fact. For this reason, being an example for the children are far more superior than teaching children with words. In conclusion, Children tend to behave from what they received from the parents whether it is good or bad, even if they are not allowed, because they are not mature enough to use logics behind their actions.
There is no denying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
are complicated
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
behave from what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the adults. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can produce the best outcome.

Firstly
, research has found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
brains will not develop until they reached the specific age.
Also
, the abilities to learn in each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
are varies on factors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
developed the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
at the same period. For that reason, in case of the brain of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
still
not functional and cannot
logically
understand the reason behind all the acts from the adults, they can experience the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of the adults from their eyes.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that experienced violence from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to using force and strength to solve their problems.

Secondly
, teaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
logics without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
is
incredibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to understand from their perspective. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
usually
speak the same way as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, even their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
taught them not to do the same,
in this case
, using curse words.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
observe their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
by listening, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are acting as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
without noticing this fact.
For this reason
, being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are far
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with words.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
tend to behave from what they received from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
whether it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, even if they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
logics behind their actions.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay -children learn more by observing the behavior of adults. Give your openion with relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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