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children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks why are children doing this and how serious consequences? v.1

children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks why are children doing this and how serious consequences? v. 1
In the modern era, junk food has become a habit at the highest level among the youngsters. There are a number of reasons which led to negative impact on the health and immune system as well. I would like to shed some causes in the following paragraphs. To begin with, the first and foremost reason is that parents are busy in this competitive era to earn money for their children and themselves. They don't pay attention about their kids what they eat or not due to have a less time. Further more, eating fast food has become status symbol amidst younger generation. Parties are celebrated by them, as a result the big amount of their pocket money spend to take fried food which is not rich with nutritional values. Besides, in these days there are a number of food courts are being opened everyday at every corner of the street which are easily approachable in our society. People are becoming more dependent on them and are not worried about making home made food. Although, they are aware too much consumption of fast food puts a harmful effect on the physical fitness, but still people are regularly using these things. As well, there are many advertisements are broadcasted by the manufacturer to enhance the supply of the products which are demonstrated in an attractive way to catch the consumers. For example, the first preference is given to fast food by the children. As a consequence, these kinds of cuisines put a negative impression on teenager's developing age. To sum up, though fast food is very convenient option among the youngsters owing to less priced, but it gives the message to obesity and high blood pressure diseases. So parents have a duty to motivate their young ones to have home-made food over ready made food for healthy life ahead.
In the modern era, junk
food
has become a habit at the highest level among the youngsters. There are a number of reasons which led to
negative
impact on the health and immune system
as well
. I would like to shed
some
causes in the following paragraphs.

To
begin
with, the
first
and foremost reason is that parents are busy in this competitive era to earn money for their children and themselves. They don't pay attention about their kids what they eat or not due to have a less time.
Further
more, eating
fast
food
has become status symbol amidst younger generation. Parties
are celebrated
by them,
as a result
the
big
amount of their pocket money spend to take fried
food
which is not rich with nutritional values.

Besides
, in these days there are a number of
food
courts are
being opened
everyday
at every corner of the street which are
easily
approachable in our society.
People
are becoming more dependent on them and are not worried about making home made
food
. Although, they are aware too much consumption of
fast
food
puts a harmful effect on the physical fitness,
but
still
people
are
regularly
using these things.
As well
, there are
many
advertisements
are broadcasted
by the manufacturer to enhance the supply of the products which
are demonstrated
in an attractive way
to catch the consumers.
For example
, the
first
preference is
given
to
fast
food
by the children. As a consequence, these kinds of cuisines put a
negative
impression on
teenager
's developing age.

To sum up, though
fast
food
is
very
convenient option among the youngsters owing to less priced,
but
it gives the message to obesity and high blood pressure diseases.
So
parents have a duty to motivate their young ones to have home-made
food
over
ready made
food
for healthy life ahead.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks why are children doing this and how serious consequences? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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