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Children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks. Why are children doing this and how serious are the consequences? v.1

Children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks. Why are children doing this and how serious are the consequences? v. 1
Children nowadays are turning to fast food and convenience snacks and there are many reasons for this unhealthy trend. Globalization, the influence of the western culture, fast services, high disposable income and unique taste are some of the factors encouraging the intake of fast food. This article will throw light on some of the major causes of this practice and the possible consequences. Globalization has unfurled a whole new world of delicious eatables. In other words, it has made foreign food more readily and easily accessible. One can find foreign fast food outlets at every corner with flocks of youngsters in them; write them because you are referring to the plural nouns outlets because they emerge as an obvious choice for them. Some of the common international fast food brands that have overpowered Indian markets are McDonalds, KFC, Dominos and Burger King. Another reason is the affordability. Since the per capita income has increased, the standard of living has also increased. Children have nowadays got hefty pocket money from their working parents, but less time and care which often pushes them towards adopting the junk food culture. Surprisingly, many international brands provide eatables at quite cheaper rates which further contributes to this rising culture. McDonalds, forfor example, has a starting range of only Rs 30 for AalooTikki and Mc Egg burger, making them reasonably priced for children belonging to even middle class or poor families. The influx of these globally recognized food brands and the inclination of children toward them can lead to harmful consequences. Firstly, are always at the risk of getting obese or developing other health issues after consuming these high calorie and fat rich products. Secondly, these food joints create intense competition in the market and take away the livelihood of local food suppliers. To conclude, children are consuming fast foods because of the influence of the western culture and their ready availability. Unfortunately, regular consumption of such foods leads to several health problems like obesity and diabetes. It is therefore important that parents monitor their children’s food habits and encourage them to consume more home cooked and healthy foods.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
nowadays are turning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and convenience snacks and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this unhealthy trend. Globalization, the influence of the western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
services, high disposable income and unique taste are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
factors encouraging the intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This article will throw light on
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
major causes of this practice and the possible consequences.

Globalization has unfurled a whole new world of delicious eatables.
In other words
, it has made foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more
readily
and
easily
accessible. One can find foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets at every corner with flocks of youngsters in them; write them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you are referring to the plural nouns outlets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they emerge as an obvious choice for them.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
common international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
brands that have overpowered Indian markets are
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
, KFC,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dominos
and Burger King.

Another reason is the affordability. Since the per capita income has increased, the standard of living has
also
increased.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
hefty pocket money from their working parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less time and care which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
pushes them towards adopting the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Surprisingly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international brands provide eatables at quite cheaper rates which
further
contributes to this rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
forfor
example, has a starting range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Rs 30 for
Possible spelling mistake found.
AalooTikki
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mc
Egg burger, making them
reasonably
priced for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
belonging to even middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or poor families.

The influx of these globally recognized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
brands and the inclination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
toward them can lead to harmful consequences.
Firstly
, are always at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting obese or developing other health issues after consuming these high calorie and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
rich products.
Secondly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
joints create intense competition in the market and take away the livelihood of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
suppliers.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the influence of the western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and their ready availability. Unfortunately, regular consumption of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
leads to several health problems like obesity and diabetes. It is
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that parents monitor their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits and encourage them to consume more home cooked and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks. Why are children doing this and how serious are the consequences? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
353 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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