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Children engaged in sport are often overloaded with physical activity or get serious traumas. What are the reasons of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

Children engaged in sport are often overloaded with physical activity or get serious traumas. What are the reasons of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
The youth who are keen on doing sports frequently put too much effort into this activity or get severely injured. In this essay I will try to find out the causes of these consequences and indicate what can be done to avoid them. There are several reasons why underage people get injuries so often during physical activities. The main one is the fact that children are immature and know little about safety. For example, when I was a little child I used to lift heavy objects in order to become more powerful, but now when I know that this habit can hurt the spine I do not risk my health anymore. Another significant root of the problem is a lack of adults’ attention during physical activities. Since parents always busy they often overlook the risk which physically demanding sports pose to their children. However, there a number of solutions to overcome the problem when the youth put too much effort into a sport activity or sometimes get injuries. First of all, children should be aware of potential damage if are overloaded when doing sports. For instance, in many schools, young sports people are taught about the importance of safety during certain activities. Another way to curb this problem is to acquire special attire for children, which will reduce tension in joints, bones and muscles and decrease chances of injury. For example, knee pads are extremely helpful for those who do gymnastics. In conclusion, unawareness of children about potential risk during physically demanding sport activities and lack of the adults’ attention are the reasons why the youth is overloaded or even get traumatized while doing sports. Nevertheless, inductions about safety and special clothes may reduce the chance of getting these injuries.
The youth who are keen on doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
frequently
put too much effort into this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
severely
injured. In this essay I will try to find out the causes of these consequences and indicate what can
be done
to avoid them.

There are several reasons why underage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
during physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The main one is the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are immature and know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
about safety.
For example
, when I was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
child I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to lift heavy objects in order to become more powerful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
when I know that this habit can hurt the spine I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
my health anymore. Another significant root of the problem is a lack of adults’ attention during physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
parents always busy they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
overlook the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
which
physically
demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
pose to their children.

However
, there a number of solutions to overcome the problem when the youth put too much effort into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be aware of potential damage if
are overloaded
when doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are taught
about the importance of safety during certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Another way to curb this problem is to acquire special attire for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
tension in joints, bones and muscles and decrease chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
.
For example
, knee pads are
extremely
helpful for those who do gymnastics.

In conclusion
, unawareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
during
physically
demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and lack of the adults’ attention are the reasons why the youth
is overloaded
or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
traumatized while doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Nevertheless
, inductions about safety and special clothes may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chance of getting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Children engaged in sport are often overloaded with physical activity or get serious traumas. What are the reasons of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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