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Some people believe that the difference between the lowest paid job and the highest paid jobs should be reduced. What extent do you agree? v.1

Some people believe that the difference between the lowest paid job and the highest paid jobs should be reduced. What extent do you agree? v. 1
There is the big chance between the people who earn very much and very little in our society. Many people agree that the highest income and the lowest earnings need to reduce to decrease the class division. Although social balance is important, the income gap is arguably more important because it impacts common benefits. Firstly, the salary distinction is related to economic development of a country. It is true that people who have highest salary will pay more taxes, it will contribute to develop the country. For instance, in England, high wage earners were charged 40% of personal income tax while lower-income earners were given benefits from that. Without the gap in wages in society, there will not have the budget to develop the country. Furthermore, the difference is main of motivation to help people who have the lowest paid jobs strive for their future and have more opportunities in life through education. It can explain more clear that these people work with low-paid because they have lack of professional skills and knowledge, so improvement their learning is the only way to upgrade their abilities in their job and get higher paid. In poor families, for example, often have high expectations of their children who are sent to school by their parents, and they believe that the way can make their life change. If the level of the lowest paid is the reason to make poor people’s effort to quick poverty, so it’s unnecessary to reduce the difference. In conclusion, there are many public debates about that it is more beneficial to reduce the difference between the highest and lowest paid jobs because of social balance. I personally believe that these pay gaps are more essential for common economy and motivation to the lowest earners.
There is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chance between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
in our society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the highest income and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lowest
earnings need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
to decrease the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
division. Although social balance is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, the income gap is
arguably
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it impacts common benefits.

Firstly
, the salary distinction
is related
to economic development of a country. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
salary will pay more taxes, it will contribute to develop the country.
For instance
, in England, high wage earners
were charged
40% of personal income tax while lower-income earners were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
benefits from that. Without the gap in wages in society, there will not have the budget to develop the country.

Furthermore
, the difference is main of motivation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
jobs strive for their future and have more opportunities in life through education. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work with low-paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have lack of professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
improvement their learning is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to upgrade their abilities in their job and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
. In poor families,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have high expectations of their children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to school by their parents, and they believe that the way can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. If the level of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
is the reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
effort to quick poverty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it’s unnecessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the difference.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
public debates about that it is more beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the difference between the highest and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of social balance. I
personally
believe that these pay gaps are more essential for common economy and motivation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lowest
earners.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that the difference between the lowest paid job and the highest paid jobs should be reduced. What extent do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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