Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. v.5

Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. v. 5
Who are better prepared to face the life - adults who were raised lavishly or in a destitute condition? To a certain extent, I would agree that children who were raised in a low-income family are better in facing life than those who came from a rich family. However, I also believe that it really depends on how parents teach their children. For a number of reasons, many experts believe that children who are brought up in the middle and low-income families are better prepared in facing life, as life is not always easy. Firstly, these children are accustomed living a simple lifestyle. Instead of having their own room, with all the toys and comfortable beds in the room, they have to sleep with their siblings in a small room. They learn how to share, take care of others, manage the budgets and most importantly become contented with whatever they have. As these children do not have many luxuries in life, they would easily adapt to the harsh conditions. Secondly, these children are already taught to be independent at an early age. Many of their parents could not afford to pay school tuition fees, therefore they have to have a part-time job to pay the school fees. They appreciate more about education as they have to pay by their own and thus learn to be independent at an early age. These experts also believe that children who are raised in rich families will face difficulties when they grow up and face the real world. One of the reasons is that their parents have always provided them with all the materials they wanted and needed. They have fancy clothes, expensive toys and advanced gadgets in their hands without having to work hard. As they rely heavily on the parent's wealth, they will face problems if there is a financial crisis. However, not all wealthy parents spoil their children, and in many instances, rich children get better facilities to settle in life. To conclude, the upbringing of a child mostly defines who he will become in the future. Family wealth, though important from some angels, is not always the determining fact for someone's personality and adaptability as better parenting is more crucial.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prepared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were raised
lavishly
or in a destitute condition? To a certain extent, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were raised
in a low-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
came from a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
However
, I
also
believe that it
really
depends on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
teach their children.

For a number of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experts believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are brought
up in the middle and low-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prepared in facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not always easy.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are accustomed
living a simple lifestyle.
Instead
of having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
room, with all the toys and comfortable beds in the room, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sleep with their siblings in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
room. They learn how to share, take care of others, manage the budgets and most
importantly
become contented with whatever they have. As these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
luxuries in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they would
easily
adapt to the harsh conditions.
Secondly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are already taught to be independent at an early age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could not afford to pay school tuition fees,
therefore
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have a part-time job to pay the school fees. They appreciate more about education as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
thus
learn to be independent at an early age.

These experts
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are raised
in rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
difficulties when they grow up and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
the real world. One of the reasons is that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have always provided them with all the materials they wanted and needed. They have fancy clothes, expensive toys and advanced gadgets in their hands without having to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. As they rely
heavily
on the parent's wealth, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
problems if there is a financial crisis.
However
, not all wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spoil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
instances, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
facilities to settle in life.

To conclude
, the upbringing of a child
mostly
defines
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
he will become in the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
wealth, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
angels, is not always the determining fact for someone's personality and adaptability as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
parenting is more crucial.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts