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Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. v.4

Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. v. 4
Money plays a pivotal role in today's social and family life and it has a relationship with the way a child grows up and prepares to meet the challenges in the future. Usually, rich families compensate better life for the children. However, some people argue that children who are brought up in middle-class families are often better prepared for their future than those who are brought up in wealthier families. I personally believe that children from wealthier families get better opportunities and they learn far more to be prepared for the future challenges. On the one hand, it is said that families with less money prepare their children for a better future. It is true that those children learn the key elements of life in their childhood; such as the real value of money as well as how hard is it to earn, the importance of family tie and so on. Often, those children learn to save money for their future use. Therefore they automatically prepare for setting a target in life and make plans for pursuing them. Therefore many significant qualities of life which are learned by these children from such a family in their earlier stages in life. On the other hand, children from wealthier families are little behind in terms of learning many important things in childhood when compared with the mindset of poor children. However, they have all the facilities which they need for their education and future. For instance, they are well equipped with all the necessary requirement to start a business or join a job without a hassle. Furthermore, those families build the foundation for their children to begin their life perfectly. The education, teaching and facilities those rich children get are far better than the education and teaching of the poor children. Moreover, those rich children eventually learn the most important aspects of life, may be little latter than the poor children, but they have far greater facilities that ultimately give them advantages in life. To conclude, money and education build a better future life. Because of that, wealthier children have much better and flexible life than poor children. Therefore, I believe children from wealthy families get a competitive advantage than the children from poor families in terms of education and preparation for the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
plays a pivotal role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's social and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and it has a relationship with the way a child grows up and prepares to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the challenges in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Usually
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
compensate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are brought
up in middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prepared for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
than those who
are brought
up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
opportunities and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
far more to
be prepared
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
challenges.

On the one hand, it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
prepare their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. It is true that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the key elements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in their childhood; such as the real value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as well
as how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
is it to earn, the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tie and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they
automatically
prepare for setting a target in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
plans for pursuing them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
significant qualities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which
are learned
by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in their earlier stages in life.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
behind in terms of learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things in childhood when compared with the mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, they have all the facilities which they need for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For instance
, they are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
with all the necessary requirement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a job without a hassle.
Furthermore
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
build the foundation for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
perfectly
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, teaching and facilities those rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
are far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and teaching of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, those rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
latter than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have far greater facilities that
ultimately
give them advantages in life.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a competitive advantage than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and preparation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
77Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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