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Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. v. 2
In this contemporary world, the masses are more money minded than ever before. Some people opine that the minor ones from a destitute family are more well assembled to obtain a prosperous career, than the ones from a wealthier family. This essay will highlight why such middle class children are more likely to establish an eminent life, even though the other ones are usually allocated with several facilities and opportunities. To begin with, a child from an affluent family has ever faced any hardship in life, and are unable to acknowledge the importance of money due to the instant availability of all their requirements. Parents from such families fulfil all the desire and wants of their children, which makes those younger ones recognize that they are superior to others, and does not have to work hard or study strenuously because they already acquire everything that a successful profession will provide them. For instance, a survey taken by the Kathmandu Children Association stated that 76% of the adolescents from a wealthy background either join their family business or engage in some recreational activities rather than work or study. Therefore, a child from a wealthy family is almost unlikely to have a success in a professional area. However, children bought up in a low or middle class family have been observing the struggles and hardship of their parents to earn money even to fulfil some basic requirements. Such circumstances aids in making them more hardworking and determined in their academic background to lead a successful and comfortable life in the future. To illustrate, AIMS organizes a scholarship examination each year and 88% of the pupils cracking the exam are usually from an impoverished milieu. Thus, mostly younger ones from a indigence environment have more chance to achieve more prosperity and success. In conclusion, I believe that it is the responsibility of every parent to teach their child the significance of a good education and prosperous career. Overall, a good parenting is of utmost important regardless of the family background.
In this contemporary world, the masses are more money minded than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that the minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
from a destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are more well assembled to obtain a prosperous career, than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
from a wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This essay will highlight why such middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to establish an eminent life,
even though
the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
are
usually
allocated with several facilities and opportunities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a child from an affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has ever faced any hardship in life, and are unable to acknowledge the importance of money due to the instant availability of all their requirements. Parents from such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
fulfil all the desire and wants of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
those younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
recognize that they are superior to others, and does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
or study
strenuously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they already acquire everything that a successful profession will provide them.
For instance
, a survey taken by the Kathmandu
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
Association stated that 76% of the adolescents from a wealthy background either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
business or engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recreational activities
rather
than work or study.
Therefore
, a child from a wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is almost unlikely to have a success in a professional area.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
up in a low or middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have been observing the struggles and hardship of their parents to earn money even to fulfil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic requirements. Such circumstances aids in making them more hardworking and determined in their academic background to lead a successful and comfortable life in the future. To illustrate, AIMS organizes a scholarship examination each year and 88% of the pupils cracking the exam are
usually
from an impoverished milieu.
Thus
,
mostly
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
from
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
indigence environment have more chance to achieve more prosperity and success.

In conclusion
, I believe that it is the responsibility of every parent to teach their child the significance of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education and prosperous career.
Overall
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
parenting is of utmost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
regardless of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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