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Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. v.3

Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. v. 3
Childhood experience and learning determine someone's personality and determination to prosper in life. Some people believe that children in wealthy families are over indulged and do not learn the important lessons to face the future challenges while middle and low-class families better prepare their offsprings. Personally, I believe that better parenting, regardless of family wealth, is more important. To begin with, children in middle and low-income class families learn to face difficulties in life, share something with others, work hard to have a better life and this is why it is thought that they are better prepared to face the life. For instance, the highest scorer in our college was from a lower-middle class family and he devoted most of his time for study. He valued good grades more than any other student in our class. He, somehow, was convinced that the only way to get out of financial problems is to become the top scorer. On the contrary, children from wealthy families get better facilities, education and career opportunities. Despite being an average student, Patrick, one of my classmates, got admitted in the best university in our country and he has a better career than the top scorer in our college. I personally belive that parenting is more important than money. It is not always the money of experience that makes a good citizen, rather the morale the parent's implants in a child often determine how ready he is to face the life. To conclude, though it is generally believed that children from less fortunate families are better prepared for the future, I, on the other hand, believe that proper parenting is far more important.
Childhood experience and learning
determine
someone's personality and determination to prosper in
life
.
Some
people
believe that
children
in wealthy
families
are over indulged and do not learn the
important
lessons to
face
the future challenges while middle and low-
class
families
better
prepare their
offsprings
.
Personally
, I believe that
better
parenting, regardless of
family
wealth, is more
important
.

To
begin
with,
children
in middle and low-income
class
families
learn to
face
difficulties in
life
, share something with others, work
hard
to have a
better
life
and this is why it is
thought
that they are
better
prepared to
face
the
life
.
For instance
, the highest scorer in our college was from a lower-middle
class
family and
he devoted most of his time for study. He valued
good
grades more than any other student in our
class
. He, somehow,
was convinced
that the
only
way to
get
out of financial problems is to become the top scorer.
On the contrary
,
children
from wealthy
families
get
better
facilities, education and career opportunities. Despite being an average student, Patrick, one of my classmates,
got
admitted in the best university in our
country and
he has a
better
career than the top scorer in our college.

I
personally
belive
that parenting is more
important
than money. It is not always the money of experience that
makes
a
good
citizen,
rather
the morale the parent's implants in a child
often
determine how ready he is to
face
the life.

To conclude
, though it is
generally
believed that
children
from less fortunate
families
are
better
prepared for the future, I,
on the other hand
, believe that proper parenting is far more
important
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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