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In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v.1

In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v. 1
Does curfew will prevent young people from becoming either perpetrators or victims of nighttime crime? In recent times curfew have been imposed is some states from the US, this means that under no circunstances are teenagers allowed to be in streets after certain time at night, there is no doubt in my mind that imposing curfew have its positive consequences but at the same time there are some negative points that need to be mentioned. Firstly, although imposing curfew have their possitive consequences such as preventing teenagers from being robbed, kidnapped or getting drugs and so forth in easy way there is no guarantee that all these risks could be avoided, it should no be forgotten that a large number of crimes are commited during the day, young people can get drugs at school easily and kidnappers do not hesitate when they have an opportunity whatever hour. For instance, in past years there have sadly been some gun shoots at schools and those attacks were during morning hours. Unfortunately, those incidents can not be prevented with curfew. Secondly, if in all cities time limit were impossed to teenagers they would started to live with fear regardless if their city was secure or not. For example, recent survey indicates that the a large number of teenager are feeling more insecure than before due to the fact that they tend to believed that they are living like a movie story where no one can leave their houses after 10: 00pm because there some extrange creatures looking for people to eat and they tend to believe that protection is needed, a gun or something that can be useful for fight against those creatures. Hence, this is a huge disadvantage because teenagers are tought to be protected and consequently they believe that need a gun. To sum up, on balance I tend to believe that where time limit is impossed teenagers could no get drugs or could be robbed easily but in someway they start to live with more fear and imaging things that inevitably are watched on TV or videogames thus, more guns are demanded. But,
Does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from becoming either perpetrators or victims of nighttime crime? In recent
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "times'" or "time's"?
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
have
been imposed
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states from the US, this means that under no
Possible spelling mistake found.
circunstances
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to be in streets after certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at night, there is no doubt in my mind that imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
have its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points that need to
be mentioned
.

Firstly
, although imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
have their
Possible spelling mistake found.
possitive
consequences such as preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
from
being robbed
, kidnapped or getting drugs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth in easy way there is no guarantee that all these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
could
be avoided
, it should
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
be forgotten
that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
crimes are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "committed", the past tense form of the verb 'commit'?
commited
during the day, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
drugs at school
easily
and kidnappers do not hesitate when they have an opportunity whatever hour.
For instance
, in past years there have
sadly
been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gun shoots at schools and those attacks were during morning hours. Unfortunately, those incidents can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
with curfew.

Secondly
, if in all cities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit were
Possible spelling mistake found.
impossed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
they would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "start"
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with fear regardless if their city was secure or not.
For example
, recent survey indicates that the
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
are feeling more insecure than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
due to the fact that they tend to believed that they are living like a movie story where no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
after 10: 00pm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
extrange
creatures looking for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
eat and
they tend to believe that protection
is needed
, a gun or something that can be useful for fight against those creatures.
Hence
, this is a huge disadvantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
tought
to
be protected
and
consequently
they believe that need a gun.

To sum up, on balance I tend to believe that where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit is
Possible spelling mistake found.
impossed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
could no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
drugs or could
be robbed
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in someway they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with more fear and imaging things that
inevitably
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
on TV or
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
thus
, more guns
are demanded
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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