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Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. v. 1
In today’s world, children are inactive and less energetic than they used to be in the past. It is believed that schools need to have some sports classes for the youth. From my perspective, I totally agree with the statement and in this essay, I will give reasons. Firstly, physical activity improves children’s mental well-being. Some children are obese because of too little exercises, and it’s not good for their health. Therefore, sports lessons will make them do many activities to sweating and get fit. Not only the obese children, but also underweight ones need to more exercise to be healthier. For instance, my nephew used to be skinny, so my family decided to send him into a basketball class. Surprising that he is now in good condition and also gains muscles. Additionally, sports help children learn discipline and working with others as a team. Sport is the best way that teaches your kids some simple discipline like getting to practice on time, or doing the right techniques and rules in order not to be punished. Whenever children join in their favourite sport, they will be more active and confident to show their skills and learn from the others. Moreover, teamwork helps children to be more united, coordinate with team members to get scores. It is obviously seen that our kids will get more friends from sports classes. That’s the reason why they become happier and more energetic. To sum up, I believe that sports lessons must be obligatory in schools because of their benefits. However, there must be a variety of sports for children to choose their desired one, which make them joyfully take part in, not to axetily.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are inactive and less energetic than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in the past. It
is believed
that schools need to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
classes for the youth. From my perspective, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and in this essay, I will give reasons.

Firstly
, physical activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mental well-being.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are obese
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
exercises, and it’s not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their health.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lessons will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities to sweating and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fit. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
underweight ones need to more exercise to be healthier.
For instance
, my nephew
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be skinny,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my family decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
him into a basketball
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. Surprising that he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition and
also
gains muscles.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn discipline and working with others as a team.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
is the best way that teaches your kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simple discipline like getting to practice on time, or doing the right techniques and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in order not to
be punished
. Whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, they will be more active and confident to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and learn from the others.
Moreover
, teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more united, coordinate with team members to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
scores. It is
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that our kids will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more friends from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
classes. That’s the reason why they become happier and more energetic.

To sum up, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lessons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be obligatory in schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their benefits.
However
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose their desired one, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
joyfully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in, not to
Possible spelling mistake found.
axetily
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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