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Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Children are less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. v. 2
Today's, youth people are less active than the past, because of many reasons. A number of people think that it must be essential for kids to have sport curriculum in their schools, that I agree with their opinion. This essay will describe the reasons that why I support this idea. Physical activity is vital for mental health. There is an expression that say the healthy brain is in a healthy body, In other word it is essential for students to play and be more active, whereas children spend there most of their time in school, then school must give them this opportunity. Investigation in japanese students demonstrated that the schools which had sport course in there plan, got better results whether in exam or for taking place in a renowned university. Moreover exercise release endorphins, the chemical that improve moods, and due to this, students can be more concentrate on the lecture such as math and science. The other reason for making sport lessons compulsive, is that when students will grow inactive, it causes many health problems in their own life, in result government shall spend a large amount of money for their health care. For instance, in U. S. every year government outlay a huge number part of its budget for caregiver to obese and overweight disorder, like cardio and bone disease. However it would have more benefits to dedicate this expenses for their childhood by equipment their schools with variety of sports facilities that cause a healthy generation. In result, schools have to attend to make sports lessons a part of schools plan, because in this way society will face with an intelligent and healthy generation that has many benefits for government though.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's, youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are less active than the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be essential for kids to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
curriculum in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with their opinion. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the reasons that why I support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Physical activity is vital for mental health. There is an expression that say the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
brain is in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body, In other word it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to play and be more active, whereas children spend there most of their time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give them this opportunity. Investigation in
Possible spelling mistake found.
japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
demonstrated that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
course in
Did you mean "their"?
there
plan,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
better results whether in exam or for taking place in a renowned university.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
exercise release endorphins, the chemical that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
moods, and due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be more concentrate on the lecture such as math and science.

The other reason for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
lessons compulsive, is that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will grow inactive, it causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life, in result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
shall spend a large amount of money for their health care.
For instance
, in U. S. every year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
outlay a huge number part of its budget for caregiver to obese and overweight disorder, like cardio and bone disease.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it would have more benefits to dedicate this expenses for their childhood by equipment their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
with variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities that cause a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
generation.

In result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
attend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lessons a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
plan,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this way society will face with an intelligent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
generation that has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
though.
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IELTS essay Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in school.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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