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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v.8

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 8
It is often said that today’s children are facing more pressure from academic, social and commercial perspectives. This essay intends to discuss the causes of these pressures and the measures to alleviate the same. A common belief is that children in today’s society are facing huge academic pressures. Their competition is not with the children sitting next to them or in the next class. It is at national and international levels. Parents have high expectations for their teenager. They want them to excel in every field. Every parent wants their child to go to the best school of their city. These days, the school bag is heavier than the student himself. Moreover, considering the standards of education and competition today, after the school, they have to go to private coaching too. Thus they are left with no time to relax or engage in enjoyable outdoor activities. Then comes the social and commercial pressures on children today. The situation becomes perilous when children want to adopt the global culture, despite the fact that their parents want them to stay rooted in their own culture. This in turn leads the children to rebel against the rules laid down by their respective family. In addition to this the commercial pressures have a major impact on the minds of today’s children. It stresses them out when they cannot compete with their peers in terms of material possessions. For example, a juvenile will undoubtedly want a mobile phone that is as good or even better than that of his friend. To sum up, we cannot deny that today’s children are facing more pressure from academic, social and commercial perspectives. However, to avoid the same, Parents should have realistic expectations of their offspring. And most importantly, they should spend adequate time with their children. The greatest onus is on the schools and teachers. They should not teach to win at all cost. They should in fact make a student learn how to win with modesty and lose with grace. Both parents and schools should learn and allow children to bloom by bringing out their hidden talent. It in turn will make a youngster grow physically and psychologically.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are facing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from academic, social and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
perspectives. This essay intends to discuss the causes of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
and the measures to alleviate the same.

A common belief is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
society are facing huge academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
. Their competition is not with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
sitting
next
to them or in the
next
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. It is at national and international levels.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
have high expectations for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
them to excel in every field. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
their child to go to the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of their city. These days, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
bag is heavier than the student himself.
Moreover
, considering the standards of education and competition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to private coaching too.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no time to relax or engage in enjoyable outdoor activities.

Then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the social and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
. The situation becomes perilous when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to adopt the global culture, despite the fact that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
them to stay rooted in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture. This in turn leads the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to rebel against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
laid down by their respective family.
In addition
to this the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
have a major impact on the minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
them out when they cannot compete with their peers in terms of material possessions.
For example
, a juvenile will
undoubtedly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
a mobile phone
that is
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or even better than that of his friend.

To sum up, we cannot deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are facing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from academic, social and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
perspectives.
However
, to avoid the same,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should have realistic expectations of their offspring. And most
importantly
, they should spend adequate time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The greatest onus is on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and teachers. They should not teach
Did you mean "winning"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'teach' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to win
at all cost. They should in fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a student learn how to win with modesty and lose with grace. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to bloom by bringing out their hidden talent. It in turn will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a youngster grow
physically
and
psychologically
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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