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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v.5

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 5
Children are under tremendous pressure these days. They are required to excel in their studies as well as in extra-curricular activities. They are also required to have a brilliant career once they grow up. Parental pressure is the number one cause of stress on children. Parents want their kids to be super achievers. They do not really care whether their child has the required talent or not. Most children now get hardly any time to play or socialize. They spend much of the day in schools and coaching centres. And afterwards they attend music, drawing and sports lessons. Many of them get barely five or six hours of sleep. Yet, both parents and teachers expect them to stay alert in the class and score excellent grades in their exams. Children are too young to cope with any kind of pressure. Since stress and tension affect their emotional, physical and intellectual development, it is important to shield them from unwanted pressures. Parents need to realize that by expecting too much from their children they are actually setting themselves up for failure and disappointment. Instead they should have realistic goals and ambitions. Time management is equally important. The child should spend their energy on only those things that truly matter. For example, a child who has no real talent for singing should not have to attend music lessons. Likewise, children who are not very sporty should be allowed to skip sports practice. They can use the time thus saved on other activities they are interested in. To conclude, the gap between reality and expectation is the real cause of pressure on children. Since pressure affects the normal growth and development of children, it is important to shield them from unwanted pressure. Both parents and teachers can make life less stressful for children by setting realistic goals for them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are under tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
these days. They
are required
to excel in their studies
as well
as in extra-curricular activities. They are
also
required to have a brilliant career once they grow up.

Parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
is the number one cause of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
want their kids to be super achievers. They do not
really
care whether their child has the required talent or not. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hardly any time to play or socialize. They spend much of the day in schools and coaching
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. And afterwards they attend music, drawing and sports lessons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
barely
five or six hours of sleep.
Yet
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
them to stay alert in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and score excellent grades in their exams.

Children are too young to cope with any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
. Since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tension affect their emotional, physical and intellectual development, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to shield them from unwanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
need to realize that by expecting too much from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they are actually setting themselves up for failure and disappointment.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
they should have realistic goals and ambitions. Time management is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. The child should spend their energy on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those things that
truly
matter.
For example
, a child who has no real talent for singing should not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
attend music lessons.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sporty should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to skip sports practice. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the time
thus
saved on other activities they
are interested
in.

To conclude
, the gap between reality and expectation is the real cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
affects the normal growth and development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to shield them from unwanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life less stressful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by setting realistic goals for them.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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