Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

"Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce? these pressures? v.16

"Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce? these pressures? v. 16
These days kids are experiencing too much pressure from educational and communal, business panorama, it is happening because of terrific demands of life. While it is important to advance the skills and adaptability to become a better adult going forward, they must be protected from mounting pressure by maintaining balance between material and psychological growth. The main problems caused by academic, social and commercial perspective is demand of life has increased considerably, for example, every child wants an attractive school bag and best looking gadgets, lavish lifestyle, so to get it, one has to work hard, which leads to pressure to win the competition of studies. Moreover, unless parents put pressure on their children, they do not proceed or strive hard to go out of the comfort zone and succeed. Furthermore, parents do have to maintain their status in the social environment, which leads to forcing children to study hard and practice to win into various competitions. To illustrate, if in casual meetings are workplace, parents discuss about kids, and one of the parents says that his or her child failed, it will be an embarrassing situation for him or her. There are multiple measures possible to reduce the stress on offspring. Firstly, parents should scale up the education level to their kids, so that study will be easier for them. Namely, if the entire English dictionary is taught to kids, they will find reading book as completely stress free, which will lead to easier grasping of the subjects and grand success without any stress for pupils. Secondly, if competitive exams are bringing failure to students, if there is no dependency on education success to have a better financial life as an adult going forward, then one can study without stress. For instance, if family has a great business, then the educational success of the kid is not necessary, because it does not matter, kid does not have to clear any interview. Finally, if parents understand that there is no point in increasing pressure for kids, then kids can have stress free life. All things considered, stress free life will lead to peace of mind for students, the children today are being put into a ‘survival-of-the fittest’ situation much earlier than they must be when they should really be trying to do their best. Therefore, we must ensure that development may be induced by well in advance knowledge than required.
These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are experiencing too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from educational and communal, business panorama, it is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of terrific demands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. While it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to advance the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and adaptability to become a better adult going forward, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be protected
from mounting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
by maintaining balance between material and psychological growth.

The main problems caused by academic, social and commercial perspective is demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has increased
considerably
,
for example
, every child wants an attractive school bag and best looking gadgets, lavish lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
to win the competition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Moreover
, unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on their children, they do not proceed or strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to go out of the comfort zone and succeed.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
maintain their status in the social environment, which leads to forcing children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
The verb 'practice' is used with the gerund form: "practice winning".
practice to win
into various competitions. To illustrate, if in casual meetings are workplace,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
discuss about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, and one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
says that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
child failed, it will be an embarrassing situation for him or her.

There are multiple measures possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
on offspring.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should scale up the education level to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
will be easier for them.
Namely
, if the entire English dictionary
is taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, they will find reading book as completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
free, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to easier grasping of the subjects and grand success without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
for pupils.
Secondly
, if competitive exams are bringing failure to students, if there is no dependency on education success to have a better financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as an adult going forward, then one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
.
For instance
, if family has a great business, then the educational success of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is not necessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not matter,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
any interview.
Finally
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
understand that there is no point in increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
free life.

All things considered,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to peace of mind for students, the children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
being put
into a ‘survival-of-the fittest’ situation much earlier than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be when they should
really
be trying to do their best.
Therefore
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure that development may
be induced
by well in advance knowledge than required.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay "Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce? these pressures? v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
400 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts