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Museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and work of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and work of art by using a computer. with this opinion? v. 1
In this technological world, some people do not believe in museums and craft galleries. They think these historical places collections and their things will not be needed because these can be available to see by using a computer. But, From my point of view, it is completely Ignorable. I do not agree with this peple. Although, This is the 21st century with so high tech technology, I completely disagree with whom which has not any respect for this place. I disagree with this statement. Firstly, THe museums and art galleries have included the subject related to our history. For example, The Indian-Pakistan war pictures, Where the Indian army defeated them. Also, It includes the great members who participated in our freedom fights. Those freedom fighters such as "The Mahatma Gandhi", "The Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel", "Bhagat Singh", and many others too. Furthermore, In the art galleries, It includes the most valuable painting and sketches from our artist like " M. F Hussain", Who has the greatest artist in the entire world. In addition, The Museums include historical currency, Our Maharajas Pictures some antique things and also some poems which were written by our great writers like " The Rabindranath Tagore" who written our national anthem and many others who has done their marvellous work for our country. Secondly, These Museums and craft galleries are also known as a tourist place. Therefore, International visitors are frequently seen these places while they were coming here for a picnic and gain knowledge in our country too. Moreover, This economy is an advantage for our country's perspective too. Because, The tourism is the backbone of the country's economy. That's why that place is promoted by the our film star and some legends as an ambassador. To conclude, The world is nowadays engaged with the use of technology and from that their life is quite easy and they enjoy a lot from that. But, Apart from that, The museums and art and craft galleries will be pivotal and needed for our historical moments and our history which we are connected with it. I totally agree with my decision above all the statements.
In this technological world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not believe in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
collections and their things will not
be needed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these can be available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
by using a computer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, From my point of view, it is completely Ignorable. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
Possible spelling mistake found.
peple
. Although, This is the 21st century with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high tech technology, I completely disagree with whom which has not any respect for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. I disagree with this statement.

Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
THe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
have included the subject related to our history.
For example
, The Indian-Pakistan war pictures, Where the Indian army defeated them.
Also
, It includes the great members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participated in our freedom fights. Those freedom fighters such as
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The Mahatma Gandhi
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sardar
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vallabhbhai
Patel
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bhagat
Singh
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others too.
Furthermore
, In the art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
, It includes the most valuable painting and sketches from our artist like
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
M. F Hussain
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Who
has the greatest artist in the entire world.
In addition
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
include historical currency, Our
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maharajas
Pictures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
antique things and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poems which
were written
by our great writers like
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rabindranath
Tagore
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
written our national anthem and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'others' should be used.
has
done their
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
work for our country.

Secondly
, These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
and craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are
also
known as a tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
Therefore
, International visitors are
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
while they were coming here for a picnic and gain knowledge in our country too.
Moreover
, This economy is an advantage for our country's perspective too.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, The tourism is the backbone of the country's economy. That's why that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
is promoted
by
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our film" or "the film"?
the our film
star and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
legends as an ambassador.

To conclude
, The world is nowadays engaged with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology and from that their life is quite
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easy and
they enjoy a lot from that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, Apart from that, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art and craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
will be pivotal and needed for our historical moments and our history which we
are connected
with it. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with my decision
above all
the statements.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and work of art by using a computer. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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