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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v.15

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 15
In this day and age, pressures of different forms, such as academic, social, and commercial aspects, surround children. There are various reasons for such pressures and certain possible solutions as well. One reason why children today face more pressure academically is because of the increasing competition at the school. They have to apply themselves and study harder to achieve good grades in order to compete with their colleagues. Another source straining children is efforts to achieve high status in the society. In other words, young students, in their teens, have to keep an eye over their overall development such as physical fitness and relationships to meet society’s expectations and fear of staying behind in these areas require significant concern. Lastly, as soon as children complete their school, they are overwhelmed by the need to find an employment. Even after securing a well- paid job, young adults have to comply themselves with the expected discipline of the commercial environment. On the other hand, certain solutions for the alleviation of pressure over children are possible. Firstly, the pressure that comes on from academic performance can be reduced by improving teaching standards at school. Well- qualified teachers, for instance, can be hired in school to teach. This will allow students to learn the relevant aspects of any topic without focussing on many different issues in the same topic. Secondly, with respect to societal-tension, certain positive behaviours can be promoted amongst children to enable them to socialize with others and have meaningful relationships. Finally, companies should permit recreational activities for their employees in the midst of busy schedule to help them cope up with the stress to perform in the workplace. Such solutions if implemented, will help bring down the effect children face from heightened stress. In conclusion, although, over the certain years, the pressure from various sectors have increased in children, there are measures to address each of them.
In this day and age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms, such as academic, social, and commercial aspects, surround
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There are various reasons for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
possible solutions
as well
.

One reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
face more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
academically
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing competition at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
apply themselves and study harder to achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in order to compete with their colleagues. Another source straining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is efforts to achieve high status in the society.
In other words
, young students, in their teens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye over their
overall
development such as physical fitness and relationships to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
society’s expectations and fear of staying behind in these areas require significant concern.
Lastly
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
complete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they
are overwhelmed
by the need to find an employment. Even after securing a well- paid job, young adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
comply themselves with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
discipline of the commercial environment.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
solutions for the alleviation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are possible.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
on from academic performance can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by improving teaching standards at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Well- qualified teachers,
for instance
, can
be hired
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to teach. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
students to learn the relevant aspects of any topic without focussing on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issues in the same topic.
Secondly
, with respect to societal-tension,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
can
be promoted
amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to enable them to socialize with others and have meaningful relationships.
Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should permit recreational activities for their employees in the midst of busy schedule to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them cope up with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to perform in the workplace. Such solutions if implemented, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
bring down the effect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
face from heightened
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

In conclusion
, although, over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from various sectors have increased in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, there are measures to address each of them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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