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Traffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree? v.10

Traffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. v. 10
Traffic congestion and shortage of houses can cause lots of problems for the people of an urban area which can be resolved by transferring industries, manufacturing companies in the rural side. I agree with this statement, besides, building wider road can also be the countermeasure to these issues. First and foremost, at present, people are suffering from traffic jam and scarcity of accommodation so that living in the countryside would solve this growing tension. For that reason, factories and industries should be replaced in the rural area. If authorities' concern about this, the population of cities will reduce to some extent which, consequently, could solve these problems. For example, people live in Dhaka city for numerous job opportunities. As a result, the government cannot provide housing and transportation facility to the overpopulation in the metropolitan. Therefore, now, astronomical corporations with workers move in the vicinity of metropolitan cities, consequently, urban city is not facing traffic and house-related issues. Similarly, some roads in urban areas are so narrow that several vehicles cannot move that results in traffic problems. That is why bureaucrats should invest money on building, spacious roads as if at least four large transports could run on the street at a time. If this happens, people would no need to wait in the jam, and could easily reach their destination within a short time. Moreover, building flyovers and bridges could be a contributing factor, even though it costs a huge amount of money. In conclusion, if employees as well as industries such as garments, manufacturing companies, et Cetra changes their habitats, and live and work in the countryside, the problem of housing and traffic congestion would be resolved. In my opinion, this idea is just, and besides this viewpoint, the above-mentioned work should be done to tackle these issues.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traffic
congestion and shortage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
can cause lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of an urban area which can
be resolved
by transferring industries, manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the rural side. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
besides
, building wider road can
also
be the countermeasure to these issues.

First
and foremost, at present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam and scarcity of accommodation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that living in the countryside would solve this growing tension. For that reason, factories and industries should
be replaced
in the rural area. If authorities' concern about this, the population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent which,
consequently
, could solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Dhaka city for numerous job opportunities.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot provide housing and transportation facility to the overpopulation in the metropolitan.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, astronomical corporations with workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in the vicinity of metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
consequently
, urban city is not facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
-related issues.

Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
roads in urban areas are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
narrow that several vehicles cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
that results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
That is
why bureaucrats should invest money on building, spacious roads as if at least four large transports could run on the street at a time. If this happens,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would no need to wait in the jam, and could
easily
reach their destination within a short time.
Moreover
, building flyovers and bridges could be a contributing factor,
even though
it costs a huge amount of money.

In conclusion
, if employees
as well
as industries such as garments, manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
their habitats, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and work in the countryside, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of housing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion would
be resolved
. In my opinion, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
, and
besides
this viewpoint, the above-mentioned work should
be done
to tackle these issues.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Traffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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