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More and more people nowadays have to compete with younger people for the same job. What problem does this cause? what are some possible solutions? v.1

More and more people nowadays have to compete with younger people for the same job. What problem does this cause? what are some possible solutions? v. 1
For the last few years, the job market has been witnessing an imbalance between the number of job candidates and job openings. This scenario leads to an increasing number of people competing with fresh graduates for the same employment. This essay will discuss some of the consequences of such situation with some probable recommendations. There are several problems associated with the higher number of job-seekers applying for the same opportunity. It usually implies that the majority of such candidates will remain unemployed as vacancies are being limited. If a country cannot provide suitable employment for the majority of its people, the growth of the economy will likely hamper and may result in a deadlock position. Also, some candidates probably try to be appointed adopting unfair means in the recruitment process. To illustrate these, a recent report in the Daily Star showed that Bangladesh police arrested all a gang who used to help unlawfully some opportunities in return of money. Thus, it is evident that unemployment and an illegal appointment can raise when many prospective employees apply for a few positions. To address the problem, one of the most effective solutions would be to increase the vacancy which is possible by developing the economy. Prudent human capital is a prime requirement for economic development, however, not utilising productively due to aimless administrative planning. China had discontinued higher education for 20 years to make sure that the citizens are educated with technical knowledge to support its long-term plan to become the largest economy in the world, for instance. Self-employment is another approachable solution to ensure employment opportunities for everyone, although occasionally it may require certain knowledge and training. In conclusion, despite the ever-rising crisis brings many social problems like unemployment and unjust appointment, the potential candidates can transform the problem into prospects, if measures are being taken effectively in accordance with a long-term vision.
For the last few years, the job market has been witnessing an imbalance between the number of job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
and job openings. This scenario leads to an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
competing with fresh graduates for the same employment. This essay will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
consequences of such situation with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
probable recommendations.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with the higher number of job-seekers applying for the same opportunity. It
usually
implies that the majority of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
will remain unemployed as vacancies are
being limited
. If a country cannot provide suitable employment for the majority of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the growth of the economy will likely hamper and may result in a deadlock position.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
probably
try to
be appointed
adopting unfair means in the recruitment process. To illustrate these, a recent report in the Daily Star
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that Bangladesh police arrested all a gang who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
unlawfully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opportunities in return of money.
Thus
, it is evident that unemployment and an illegal appointment can raise when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prospective employees apply for a few positions.

To address the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, one of the most effective solutions would be to increase the vacancy which is possible by developing the economy. Prudent human capital is a prime requirement for economic development,
however
, not
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
productively
due to aimless administrative planning. China had discontinued higher education for 20 years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the citizens
are educated
with technical knowledge to support its long-term plan to become the largest economy in the world,
for instance
. Self-employment is another approachable solution to ensure employment opportunities for everyone, although
occasionally
it may require certain knowledge and training.

In conclusion
, despite the ever-rising crisis brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like unemployment and unjust appointment, the potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
can transform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
into prospects, if measures are
being taken
effectively
in accordance with a long-term vision.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay More and more people nowadays have to compete with younger people for the same job. What problem does this cause? what are some possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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