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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v.13

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 13
It is undeniable that today’s children are in the great pressures compared to the past among academic, social and commercial fields. This essay will discuss causes, which are introduced above, and suggest some advices how to be minimized them. To begin with, children try to become better every area, where one of them is academic success. Today of children now do not learn everything at the school. After student attended to school, they see extra lessons under the family pressure. What is more, subjects are managed by private teachers and they do not have any special life after classes. This is because child not only competes with the next door student, but also they are competed in the global world. For this reason, every student is rival each other. However, the other situations are by the far important as well such as social and commercial influences. Both of them are to put an impact the place of individual in society. Socially, a child might want to adapt to popular culture by the help of the internet. In addition, his family might disagree with this approach. Therefore, children are in the huge dilemma. Commercially, moreover, they may hold a candle to others and feel awful. On the other hand, the solutions are not simple. Parents and teachers must treat equally and let child to discover his talents without any forces. Children, also, are not pushed to put into any competition any area. In other words, the aim of competition should not be to win at all cost. However, expectations from children must not be extraordinary too. To sum up, there is no doubt that every child has to meet these steps at some time of their life. People’s tasks should reduce difficulties and give a good life them. Otherwise, mental and physical growth of children may be in danger.
It is undeniable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are in the great pressures compared to the past among academic, social and commercial fields. This essay will discuss causes, which
are introduced
above, and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advices how to
be minimized
them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
try to become better every area, where one of them is academic success.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
do not learn everything at the school. After student attended to school, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
extra lessons under the family pressure.
What is more
, subjects
are managed
by private
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teachers and
they do not have any special life after classes. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
competes with the
next
door student,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
are competed
in the global world.
For this reason
, every student is rival each other.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
situations are by the far
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as well
such as social and commercial influences. Both of them are to put an impact the place of individual in society.
Socially
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
might want to adapt to popular culture by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the internet.
In addition
, his family might disagree with this approach.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are in the huge dilemma.
Commercially
,
moreover
, they may hold a candle to others and feel awful.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the solutions are not simple. Parents and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
treat
equally
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to discover his talents without any forces.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
,
also
, are not pushed to put into any competition any area. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the aim of competition should not be to win at all cost.
However
, expectations from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be extraordinary too.

To sum up, there is no doubt that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
these steps at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time of their life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
’s tasks should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
difficulties and give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life them.
Otherwise
, mental and physical growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 13

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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