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Children are facing more pressure nowdays from academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressure and what measure should be taken to reduce this? v.2

Children are facing more pressure nowdays from academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressure and what measure should be taken to reduce this? v. 2
One of the most controversial issues relates to that, nowdays; children are facing pressure from different prospectives. Through this essay, I will examine the possible reasons for this trend and suggest some practical reasons that an individual could implement to reduce pressure among children. At first, young children are the new generation of our nation, and if they will be under pressure or stress that will be an issue. Similarly, there are parents who expect alot from their children and want their child to adopt field which they expect but, unfortunately sometimes this social pressure from there parents and there expectations gives negative affect on a child. However, children start thinking that they are not capable of fulfilling expectations of their parents, and due to this they lose their confidence level. This phenomenon can be solved by giving counciling to parents and by telling to give freedom to their child for choosing their own field so the pressure among the children would be reduced. Moving ahead, children are also facing problems in other prospective such as commercial and academic which makes them weak and stressful from inside. The term peer pressure has a great effect on a child. In fact, it has been seen that children are affected more by the remarks of others rather than their own which they get in school. Moreover, there stress level incline when they think about the competition they are going to face after completing their studies and due this they make their academic progress awful. However, children should be given guidance and counciling that they can know that being average is also fine. All in all, there are variety of different factors that have led to make the problem worse while, to conclude, I would like to say that proper counciling should be given to both parents and children for a great future generation.
One of the most controversial issues relates to that,
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nowdays
;
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children
are facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
prospectives
. Through this essay, I will examine the possible reasons for this trend and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical reasons that an individual could implement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
among children.

At
first
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the new generation of our nation, and if they will be under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that will be an issue.
Similarly
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to adopt field which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, unfortunately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
this social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and there expectations gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
thinking that they are not capable of fulfilling expectations of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and due to this they lose their confidence level. This phenomenon can
be solved
by giving
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counciling
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and by telling to give freedom to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
for choosing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

Moving ahead,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
also
facing problems in other prospective such as commercial and academic which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them weak and stressful from inside. The term peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
has a great effect on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. In fact, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
more by the remarks of others
rather
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in school.
Moreover
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level incline when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the competition they are going to face after completing their studies and
It appears that a preposition is missing after 'due'.
due this
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their academic progress awful.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
guidance and
Possible spelling mistake found.
counciling
that they can know that being average is
also
fine.

All in all, there are variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
factors that have led to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the problem worse while,
to conclude
, I would like to say that proper
Possible spelling mistake found.
counciling
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for a great future generation.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are facing more pressure nowdays from academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressure and what measure should be taken to reduce this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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