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children are facing academic, social and commercial pressures. causes and solution. v.1

children are facing academic, social and commercial pressures. causes and solution. v. 1
Nowadays children are facing a lot of stress even in their education as well as from the society. This essay will discuss the reasons why this is happening and put forward several solutions to this issue. Firstly, every parent and teacher persuade their children to study well. In other words, in today's world, everyone is striving to live and consequently parents put severe pressure to their kids and it predisposed them in a critical situation. Furthermore, today's syllabus and curriculum is so vast and taxing compared to the past. As a result teens should have studied more to be remain in the competition that leads them to a more complex stressful atmosphere. For instance, current fourth standard's CBSE syllabus are comparable to the past year's tenth class. Secondly, society looks only academic brilliance. In detail, some students are better in extracurricular activities rather than study. But, everyone is evaluating a person with their academics while in the past, all student's got recognition as per their ability in sports or games. For example, educational institutions are focusing only in their classroom study now. We can overcome this with the proper guidance to their parents. The government should have been given proper inculcation to all their citizens that, not only academics, but also other adequate curricular activities required for teenagers to enjoy their life. As an illustration, In America, it is mandatory that, children should study swimming and singing as a part of their regular study. In conclusion, children are compelled to face a lot of pressure from their guardians as well as their instructors to study more and we can minimize their stress by giving proper awareness to their guardians.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
even in their education
as well
as from the society. This essay will discuss the reasons why this is happening and put forward several solutions to this issue.

Firstly
, every parent and teacher persuade their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
well.
In other words
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, everyone is striving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and
consequently
parents put severe pressure to their kids and it predisposed them in a critical situation.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's syllabus and curriculum is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
vast and taxing compared to the past.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result teens should have studied more to be
Consider using a past participle here: "remained".
remain
in the competition that leads them to a more complex stressful atmosphere.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
fourth standard's CBSE syllabus are comparable to the past year's tenth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

Secondly
, society looks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academic brilliance. In detail,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students are better in extracurricular activities
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, everyone is evaluating a person with their academics while in the past, all
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'student'.
student's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
recognition as per their ability in sports or games.
For example
, educational institutions are focusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their classroom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

We can overcome this with the proper guidance to their parents. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
proper inculcation to all their citizens that, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other adequate curricular activities required for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to enjoy their life.

As an illustration, In America, it is mandatory that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
swimming and singing as a part of their regular study.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are compelled
to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure from their guardians
as well
as their instructors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
more and
we can minimize their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
by giving proper awareness to their guardians.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay children are facing academic, social and commercial pressures. causes and solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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