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Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities To what extent do you agree? v.1

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities v. 1
It is argued that public facilities such as fields and parks should be sponsered by entrepreneurs. I agree with this financial support since both sides would have benefits. Building local facilities tends to increase sales to sponsor brands as it creates a positive marketing to them. That is because shoppers commonly appreciate industries and commercial centers that contribute to the community, choosing their products over others. For instance, in Fortaleza, after constructing ten parks in different districts, a supermaket called Extra increased sales in twenty percent. Therefore, the numbers show that sponsering certain infrastructure in the city is a positive sales strategy. Furthermore, crime rates related to the company might be reduced as a consequence of the respect and personal connection created between citizens and the corporation. Additionally, entrepreneurs should invest in sports facilities aiming to reduce employees' sick days as they help to maintain a balance life style. Instead of paying to workout at gyms, workers could do exercises outdoors while playing sports or jogging, making it easier to have an active routine. To illustrate, researches have proved that sedentary staff tend to have an average of two more monthly abcenses than active ones. Besides the health improvement, workers would be more satisfied with the company because of the social return to the community, which directly affects production statistics. To conclude, I believe that companies should invest on social and sports facilities since it is a marketing strategy to increase sales and reduce material crimes. Moreover, it improves employees' physical and mental health, reducing sick days and improving satisfaction.
It
is argued
that public facilities such as fields and parks should be
sponsered
by entrepreneurs. I
agree
with this financial support since both sides would have benefits.

Building local facilities tends to increase
sales
to sponsor brands as it creates a
positive
marketing to them.
That is
because
shoppers
commonly
appreciate industries and commercial centers that contribute to the community, choosing their products over others.
For instance
, in Fortaleza, after constructing ten parks in
different
districts, a
supermaket
called Extra increased
sales
in twenty percent.
Therefore
, the numbers
show
that
sponsering
certain infrastructure in the city is a
positive
sales
strategy.
Furthermore
, crime rates related to the
company
might be
reduced
as a consequence of the respect and personal connection created between citizens and the corporation.

Additionally
, entrepreneurs should invest in sports facilities aiming to
reduce
employees' sick days as they
help
to maintain a balance life style.
Instead
of paying to workout at gyms, workers could do exercises outdoors while playing sports or jogging, making it easier to have an active routine. To illustrate, researches have proved that sedentary staff tend to have an average of two more monthly
abcenses
than active ones.
Besides
the health improvement, workers would be more satisfied with the
company
because
of the social return to the community, which
directly
affects production statistics.

To conclude
, I believe that
companies
should invest on social and sports facilities since it is a marketing strategy to increase
sales
and
reduce
material crimes.
Moreover
, it
improves
employees' physical and mental health, reducing sick days and improving satisfaction.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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