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Children are face educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce them? v.2

Children are face educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce them? v. 2
Adults often complain about their excessive stress in life and envy children since they do not need to worry about their livelihood in that age. However, many children are also face lots of pressure from school, society and even from their family. This essay will discuss the causes of this phenomenon and try to provide some measures to reduce these pressures. To explain why kids are facing pressure from academic, social and commercial aspect is simple. First of all, although most of parents have shouldered all their kids life cost but what kids want are still not easy to satisfied. It too easy to them to see advertisement from TV and wish to buying expensive cloth or shoes. Some children like to compete with others, so they ask their parents to buy things that exceed expectations. Once they can’t be satisfied, they feel unhappy and gain commercial pressures. Moreover, some parents push their kids so hard which become the main source of stress for their children. The parents’ unrealistic expectations will make their kids sad since it is impossible for them to get reward and praise from family. Finally, student also face peer pressure in school. And this may cause conflicts and stress. It is not easy to find simple measures to solve this issue. To begin with, parents need to set an appropriate expectations for their children. It is necessary to always give reward and praise which will encourage kids to make progress in study or daily life. Also, parents and teachers need to spend more patient with kids instead of refusing to listen to their needs. Overall, it is hard to reduce kids’ pressure since we live in a world which go faster and faster. Both adults and children are need to keep pace with the changing world, and they have to work hard to avoid be thrown away from others.
Adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
complain about their excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in life and envy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to worry about their livelihood in that age.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
also
Consider using a past participle here: "faced".
face
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from school, society and even from their family. This essay will discuss the causes of this phenomenon and try to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
these pressures.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from academic, social and commercial aspect is simple.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, although most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have shouldered all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
life cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
want are
still
not easy to satisfied.
It seems that a verb is missing.
It
too easy to them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
advertisement from TV and wish to buying expensive cloth or shoes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like to compete with others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things that exceed expectations. Once they can’t
be satisfied
, they feel unhappy and gain commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
push their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
which become the main source of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
unrealistic expectations will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
sad since it is impossible for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
reward and praise from family.
Finally
, student
also
face peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
in school. And this may cause conflicts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

It is not easy to find simple measures to solve this issue. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to set an appropriate
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "expectation"?
expectations
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is necessary to always give reward and praise which will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress in study or daily life.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to spend more patient with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
instead
of refusing to listen to their needs.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
since we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world which go faster and faster. Both adults and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pace with the changing world, and they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to avoid
be thrown
away from others.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are face educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce them? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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