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Children are face educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce them? v.1

Children are face educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce them? v. 1
The onus of taking care of nature has always been a topic of debate. It is a popular notion that it's on the state to ensure that the environment is protected. This essay will discuss how it is indeed the responsibility of the government to protect the environment Firstly, a government and its respective ministry are chosen and appointed by general citizens to handle duties like taking care of the society and natural resources. When you are a team of people whose sole responsibility is the welfare of people and nature, you shouldn't depend on anyone else to perform those duties on your behalf. For example, Bhutan is a country where it is mentioned in the constitution that 60% of their land will always be under forest cover. This is a great step that will ensure better air quality, less floods etc. , thereby impacting their countrymen positively. Moreover, it is unfair to expect anyone but the authority of a region to do a task as humongous as keeping nature secured, because only they have the resources to do so. While the general public can be expected to plant a tree or two, they cannot leave their everyday job and save the planet. Country Administration has the power to do bigger things. Consider, for an example, they can penalize corporate with highest pollutant emission and can set up rules and processes that minimizes harm To conclude, the ownership of saving the environment is entirely on the government. Even if the citizens can participate and help, it is not their duty as much as it is of the authorities.
The onus of taking care of nature has always been a topic of debate. It is a popular notion that it's on the state to ensure that the environment
is protected
. This essay will discuss how it is
indeed
the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to protect the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
environment


Firstly
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and its respective ministry
are chosen
and appointed by general citizens to handle duties like taking care of the society and natural resources. When you are a team of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose sole responsibility is the welfare of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and nature, you shouldn't depend on anyone else to perform those duties on your behalf.
For example
, Bhutan is a country where it
is mentioned
in the constitution that 60% of their land will always be under forest cover. This is a great step that will ensure better air quality,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun floods is countable.
less
floods etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
thereby impacting their countrymen
positively
.

Moreover
, it is unfair to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
anyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the authority of a region to do a task as humongous as keeping nature secured,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they have the resources to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. While the
Consider using "public".
general public
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to plant a tree or two, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their everyday job and save the planet. Country Administration has the power to do bigger things. Consider, for an example, they can penalize corporate with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
pollutant emission and can set up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and processes that minimizes harm

To conclude
, the ownership of saving the environment is
entirely
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Even if the citizens can participate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, it is not their duty as much as it is of the authorities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Children are face educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce them? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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