Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

For some people shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? v.3

For some people shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? v. 3
There is a controversial issue about the necessity of purchasing as a sort of amusement. Some social workers think that it is a disadvantageous trend, while some businessmen believe that it is a beneficial for the economy. In this essay, I will consider both points of view and agree with the idea of positive effects. Let us start with reasons why some social workers state that shopping for fun is a detrimental tendency. The first reason is that it is a wasteful type of entertainment. People often spend much more, when they go shopping as a leisure activity, because they both visit store more frequently and buy unnecessary things, such as another smart phone or dressing. Another reason is that a growing generation concentrate on shopping at the expense of education. Students can shift their priority from study to shopping as entertainment, since they tend to follow popular trends in society, which causes a detrimental impact on their academic performance. Therefore, it is reasonable to label shopping for entertainment as a negative development. However, some entrepreneurs claim that this type of entertainment is a beneficial for community. They justify their opinion with the following arguments. Firstly, it significantly increases the trade turnover. Stores can sell and then order more goods from supply, when people visit them more often for entertainment, so customers fully satisfy their needs, and businessmen make more profits. Secondly, it generates more taxes. The more goods stores sell, the more money they generate as tax, which allows the government to allocate more funding for different social programs. As a result, it is rational to say that shopping for entertainment is a positive effect for the governmental welfare. In conclusion, even though some workers advocate that shopping for amusement has many negative impacts on society, I think that it brings more advantages for the economy for the above mentioned reasons.
There is a controversial issue about the necessity of purchasing as a sort of amusement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
social workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a disadvantageous trend, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
businessmen believe that it is a beneficial for the economy. In this essay, I will consider both points of view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social workers state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for fun is a detrimental tendency. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that it is a wasteful type of entertainment.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spend much more, when they go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a leisure activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they both visit store more
frequently
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary things, such as another smart phone or dressing. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that a growing generation concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at the expense of education. Students can shift their priority from study to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as entertainment, since they tend to follow popular trends in society, which causes a detrimental impact on their academic performance.
Therefore
, it is reasonable to label
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for entertainment as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entrepreneurs claim that this type of entertainment is a beneficial for community. They justify their opinion with the following arguments.
Firstly
, it
significantly
increases the trade turnover. Stores can sell and then order more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from supply, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit them more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
for entertainment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
customers
fully
satisfy their needs, and businessmen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more profits.
Secondly
, it generates more taxes. The more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
stores sell, the more money they generate as tax, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to allocate more funding for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social programs.
As a result
, it is rational to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for entertainment is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect for the governmental welfare.

In conclusion
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for amusement has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on society, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it brings more advantages for the economy for the above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay For some people shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts