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Children are becoming more independent and transforming the term ‘childish’. Adults can learn from their mindset. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this argument. v.1

Children are becoming more independent and transforming the term ‘childish’. Adults can learn from their mindset. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this argument. v. 1
Although day by day kids have more freedom, the word ‘childish’ is still used as a negative qualifying. Children try to change this settled pattern by showing how adults can improve from their limitless mentality. It is widely believed by adults that boys and girls are unconscious and irresponsible. However, it would be interesting if they also think about some positive qualities of children, such as their incredible creativity and impressive originality. It seems to me that not underestimating them would be beneficial for both the middle-aged and the under-aged. On the one hand, it is strongly believed that children are immature by nature and they have not the sense of responsibility and awareness. In some manners this could be true because they need a life guide in order to grow up properly and fully. Furthermore, minors can not be responsible of themselves and need adults to take care of them, though some people badly confuse this with overprotection. For example, think about arranging a medical visit when your kid is sick. Would you leave this task to them if they feel bad and require the auscultation of a doctor? It is probably difficult to set where is the thin line between responsibility and irresponsibility. On the other hand, the incredible potential that children have is an endless source of creativity and uniqueness. Little kids dream, are optimistic and don’t think about reliabilities and restrictions. The form in which they act doesn’t have space for limitations and, therefore, they reach astonishing goals. Conversely, adults believe that practicalities should prevail in the real world and this is the reason why they often remain stuck and frustrated. For instance, in the process of designing a new product in a well-known company, if the designers don’t open their minds, as kids do, they will never reach to develop an original and unique product which will differentiate them from the competition and will provide large amounts of profit. In conclusion, regarding children’s independence, neither all is positive nor everything is negative. Dozens of things can be learned from kids and their attitude towards fears and problems. Grown-ups usually feel the society restriction and thus surprising achievements do not come up. By only changing adults’ mentality and the form they see the world, I strongly believe plenty of advances would be made to all.
Although day by day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have more freedom, the word ‘childish’ is
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
qualifying.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this settled pattern by showing how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
from their limitless mentality. It is
widely
believed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
that boys and girls are unconscious and irresponsible.
However
, it would be interesting if they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
qualities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, such as their incredible creativity and impressive originality. It seems to me that not underestimating them would be beneficial for both the middle-aged and the under-aged.

On the one hand, it is
strongly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are immature by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nature and
they have not the sense of responsibility and awareness. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
manners this could be true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need a life guide in order to grow up
properly
and
fully
.
Furthermore
, minors can not be
The usual collocations for "responsible" is "responsible for". Did you mean "responsible for" or "in charge of"?
responsible of
themselves and need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to take care of them, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
badly
confuse this with
Possible spelling mistake found.
overprotection
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about arranging a medical visit when your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is sick. Would you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
this task to them if they feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and require the auscultation of a doctor? It is
probably
difficult to set where is the thin line between responsibility and irresponsibility.

On the other hand
, the incredible potential that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have is an endless source of creativity and uniqueness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
dream, are optimistic and don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
Possible spelling mistake found.
reliabilities
and restrictions. The form in which they act doesn’t have space for limitations and,
therefore
, they reach astonishing goals.
Conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
believe that practicalities should prevail in the real world and this is the reason why they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
remain stuck and frustrated.
For instance
, in the process of designing a new product in a well-known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, if the designers don’t open their minds, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
do, they will never reach to develop an original and unique product which will differentiate them from the competition and will provide large amounts of profit.

In conclusion
, regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
independence, neither all is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
nor everything is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. Dozens of things can
be learned
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and their attitude towards fears and problems. Grown-ups
usually
feel the society restriction and
thus
surprising achievements do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up. By
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults’
mentality and the form they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the world, I
strongly
believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of advances would
be made
to all.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are becoming more independent and transforming the term ‘childish’. Adults can learn from their mindset. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this argument. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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