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children and teenagers are committing more and more crimes in many countries. why is this happening. How can be stop this or least reduce this crime. v.1

children and teenagers are committing more and more crimes in many countries. why is this happening. How can be stop this or least reduce this crime. v. 1
In the contemporary era, most females tend to secure their careers firstly when they are young. This contributes to the fact that they tend to marry and become mothers in their late thirties. As one of feminists, I definitely opine that women will benefit more if they start their families later. However, under certain situation, marrying and having babies in old ages also cause negative impacts to them. To begin with, it is easy for women to focus on their careers and establish their financial independence if they stay single until later in their thirties. Firstly, single women will be more flexible and competitive in the workforce. They are as competent as males in the job setting without the restriction from children. Children may create obstacles for women's careers because taking care of children and doing household cores all will distract their attention and energy from their jobs. Besides, researches show that women marrying and having a baby in their late 30s will provide better living environments for their springs as compared with those in their early 20s or even younger. Obviously, more women have rights to live in the lifestyle that they prefer. This is the result of human civilization and feminism. However, giving a birth in late 30s or early 40s will be a high risk pregnancy and increases the risk for mothers or babies to suffer from health conditions such as high blood pressure in pregnant women or Down syndrome in babies. The mortality rate of pregnant women is higher when they are over 35 years old. Moreover, women becoming a mother in their later 30s have a tougher time to adapt their new roles than those in their early 20s. In conclusion, due to feminism activities, nowadays, females will have equal opportunities in the workforce. This may contribute to the phenomenon that they tend to marry and give birth in their late 30s with the above reasons. However, these women will also have some drawbacks for their health and their children's health as well. Therefore, females should choose a proper moment for themselves to start their families individually.
In the contemporary era, most females tend to secure their careers
firstly
when they are young. This contributes to the fact that they tend to marry and become mothers in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
thirties. As one of feminists, I definitely opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will benefit more if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their families later.
However
, under certain situation, marrying and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ages
also
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts to them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to focus on their careers and establish their financial independence if they stay single until later in their thirties.
Firstly
, single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will be more flexible and competitive in the workforce. They are as competent as males in the job setting without the restriction from children. Children may create obstacles for women's careers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
taking care of children and doing household cores all will distract their attention and energy from their jobs.
Besides
, researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
marrying and having a baby in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
30s will provide better living environments for their springs as compared with those in their early 20s or even younger.
Obviously
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the lifestyle that they prefer. This is the result of human civilization and feminism.

However
, giving a birth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
30s or early 40s will be a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
pregnancy and increases the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for mothers or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
to suffer from health conditions such as high blood pressure in pregnant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
or Down syndrome in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
. The mortality rate of pregnant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is higher when they are over 35 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
becoming a mother in their later 30s have a tougher time to adapt their new roles than those in their early 20s.

In conclusion
, due to feminism activities, nowadays, females will have equal opportunities in the workforce. This may contribute to the phenomenon that they tend to marry and give birth in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
30s with the above reasons.
However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks for their health and their children's health
as well
.
Therefore
, females should choose a proper moment for themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their families
individually
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay children and teenagers are committing more and more crimes in many countries. why is this happening. How can be stop this or least reduce this crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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