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Countires are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development. v.1

Countires are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development. v. 1
It is undeniable that students have more freedom. So they can make a better life by themselves. Students are taught to push themselves and make a life batter as compared to work in groups. I presume that the advantages of those precautionary actions would surpass it's drawback to a major extent. My fever is justified further in the ensuing paragraphs with explanations Discussing the merits the foremost one is that students will face the real-world challenge of competition at the early stage. As a result, they become more mature, independent as well as dedicated to their goals. Moreover, children can do competition with their classmates. So, they can improve their knowledge with help of internet and also boost the thinking power. Furthermore, they can improve their self confidence and also learn the how to handle the failure and pressure. As a consequence, it is very help for their future. When they will apply for an interview On the contrary, I shall not overlook it's downside too. To begin with, group study is the best choice for the students. Because they can improve their communication skills and also learn the team work. For instance, cricket and football are most popular sport games. Which require each and every member to work together and give the best performance for the team. Hence, students can apply this method in their academic work. TO conclude, it can be seen that competition promotes self study ability and also increase the confidence and improve the many other things. I believe that self study is the best for the students because this method will give more benefits.
It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have more freedom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better life by themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are taught
to push themselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a life batter as compared to work in groups. I presume that the advantages of those precautionary actions would surpass
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
drawback to a major extent. My fever
is justified
further
in the ensuing paragraphs with
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
explanations


Discussing the merits the foremost one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will face the real-world challenge of competition at the early stage.
As a result
, they become more mature, independent
as well
as dedicated to their goals.
Moreover
, children can do competition with their classmates.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their knowledge with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet and
also
boost the thinking power.
Furthermore
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
and
also
learn
Did you mean "how"?
the how
to handle the failure and pressure. As a consequence, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for their future. When they will apply for an
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
interview


On the contrary
, I shall not overlook
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
downside too. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, group study is the best choice for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
also
learn the team work.
For instance
, cricket and football are most popular sport games. Which require each and every member to work together and give the best performance for the team.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can apply this method in their academic work.

TO conclude
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that competition promotes self study ability and
also
increase the confidence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things. I believe that self study is the best for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this method will give more benefits.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Countires are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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