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Cell Phones usage has increased significantly. What are some of the advantages and disadvantages? v.1

Cell Phones usage has increased significantly. What are some of the advantages and disadvantages? v. 1
The use of cell phones in twenty-first century has increased exponentially. Smart phones are more popular as it offers a wide variety of features besides the traditional usage of phone for making calls only. There are numerous advantages of using a cell and helps in many ways to efficiently manage day to day tasks. With a few clicks, you can order your grocery, make an appointment with your doctor, book a cab, order food which are time consuming and quite manual in nature. With the wide variety of educational videos for all age groups delivered through the application in the smart phone, one can reap benefits of it at their convenience and pace, although I feel for kids, parental guidance and control over screen time is important. On the other hand, especially the younger generation, are using the cell phones for longer hours to play games, chat with their friends. This has impacted their physical interaction and poses many health-related issues, namely lower concentration, frequently getting angry, depression etc. The studies have shown that a child with more than 30minutes of screen time will lead into many developmental delays. Another aspect that parents should ensure that their younger ones should not fall prey of dark web and hackers who could influence the kids into negative way. In my view, a smart phone comes with many revolutionary features and a balanced usage of it would make our life easier in so many ways without compromising in the face to face human interaction with friends and loved ones.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in twenty-
first
century has increased
exponentially
. Smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are more popular as it offers a wide variety of features
besides
the traditional usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for making calls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

There are numerous advantages of using a cell and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
efficiently
manage day to day tasks. With a few clicks, you can order your grocery,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an appointment with your doctor, book a cab, order food which are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
and quite manual in nature.

With the wide variety of educational videos for all age groups delivered through the application in the smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, one can reap benefits of it at their convenience and pace, although I feel for kids, parental guidance and control over screen time is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the other hand
,
especially
the younger generation, are using the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for longer hours to play games, chat with their friends. This has impacted their physical interaction and poses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health-related issues,
namely
lower concentration,
frequently
getting angry, depression etc.

The studies have shown that a child with more than 30minutes of screen time will lead into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developmental delays.

Another aspect that parents should ensure that their younger ones should not fall prey of dark web and hackers who could influence the kids into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.

In my view, a smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
revolutionary features and a balanced usage of it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life easier in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways without compromising in the face to face human interaction with friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Cell Phones usage has increased significantly. What are some of the advantages and disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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