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In some countries people's weight has significantly increased while their level of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest to solve this problem? v.1

In some countries people's weight has significantly increased while their level of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest to solve this problem? v. 1
Being overweight is a significant health concern. Adverse habits lead people to obesity, and it needs to be controlled to live a healthy life. The essay points out the two main reasons why people turn over-weight and how can we keep it under control. Firstly, one of the prime reasons why people shoot up their weight is because of junk food. In today’s time, while everyone is running after money, they are ignoring the health effects of eating fast food. To save time, many choose street food that harms our digestion system. Eating junk once in a while is still acceptable, but frequent consumption will lead to an increase in body fats. For example, foods like fried chicken, samosa, white bread, and French fries are very harmful to our body. If one can limit the intake of outside food and prefer home-cooked food would prove a big step in cutting down weight. Home-cooked food is not only healthy but also less harmful. Secondly, lack of physical activity complements the increase in mass. Whatever a body consumes must be equivalently utilized. The body will save all the energy that is consumed and not used through physical exertion. This excess mass is dreadful. Furthermore, all the people who are working on a desk for a full day are less likely to perform physical tasks than their counterparts. One should inculcate daily activity like running, jogging, and cycling to burn those extra calories. Going to the gym could be another option if one can afford time and money. To conclude, I firmly believe that one should adapt to healthy eating alongside daily physical activity to prevent going over their ideal BMI.
Being overweight is a significant health concern. Adverse habits lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to obesity, and it needs to
be controlled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life. The essay points out the two main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
turn over-weight and how can we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it under control.

Firstly
, one of the prime reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shoot up their weight is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s time, while everyone is running after money, they are ignoring the health effects of eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. To save time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
choose street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that harms our digestion system. Eating junk once in a while is
still
acceptable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
frequent consumption will lead to an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
fats.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
like fried chicken, samosa, white bread, and French fries are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. If one can limit the intake of outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and prefer home-cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would prove a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
step in cutting down weight. Home-cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
less harmful.

Secondly
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity complements the increase in mass. Whatever a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
consumes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
equivalently
utilized. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
will save all the energy that
is consumed
and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exertion. This excess mass is dreadful.
Furthermore
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are working on a desk for a full day are less likely to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
tasks than their counterparts. One should inculcate daily activity like running, jogging, and cycling to burn those extra calories. Going to the gym could be another option if one can afford time and money.

To conclude
, I
firmly
believe that one should adapt to healthy eating alongside daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
going over their ideal BMI.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries people's weight has significantly increased while their level of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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