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Caring for children is probably the most important thing of the society It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take the childcare training courses To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement v.2

Caring for children is probably the most important thing of the society It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take the childcare training courses with the statement v. 2
Taking care for children has been very important to the society. It is claimed that all mothers and fathers should be required to take the childcare training courses. In my perspective, I tend to disagree with this statement. There are certainly some reasons why all parents should be required to take the childcare training course. One of the reasons is that this kind of courses can give parents comprehensive understanding about children. Active participation such childcare training courses allows parents to understand the needs of children at different stages. With the knowledge of taking care of children that is learned from childcare training courses, parents are less likely to make mistakes. However, there are opposing voices as well. To begin with, children training courses are waste of time. As living in rapid advancement of technology in this society, parents are able to use computer to access to the internet and obtain any information about how to take care of children. By simply typing keywords on Google or Youtube, everyone can easily get free tutorials and variety of methods. Consequently, participating in childcare training courses generally wastes time and energy. Apart from this, the cost of childcare training courses is high. Not everyone is able to afford the services. Yet, hiring a baby sitter is cheaper and has more benefits for new parents. As baby sitters have wide range of knowledge and experiences of caring children, parents therefore can learn some major caring skills through the baby sitters at home instead of paying costly fees and going to childcare training courses for 3 weeks. In conclusion, although caring for children is the most vital matter in the society, it is not necessary for mothers and fathers to take childcare training courses because everyone has their job tasks to do and hire a baby sitter can solve the issue.
Taking care for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the society. It
is claimed
that all mothers and fathers should
be required
to take the childcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. In my perspective, I tend to disagree with this statement.

There are
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be required
to take the childcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
. One of the reasons is that this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
comprehensive understanding about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Active participation such childcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to understand the needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages. With the knowledge of taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
is learned
from childcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes.

However
, there are opposing voices
as well
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are waste of time. As living in rapid advancement of technology in this society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer to access to the internet and obtain any information about how to take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. By
simply
typing keywords on Google or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
, everyone can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free tutorials and variety of methods.
Consequently
, participating in childcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
generally
wastes time and energy.

Apart from this, the cost of childcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is high. Not everyone is able to afford the services.
Yet
, hiring a baby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sitter
is cheaper and has more benefits for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. As baby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sitters
have wide range of knowledge and experiences of caring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
therefore
can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major caring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through the baby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sitters
at home
instead
of paying costly fees and going to childcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
for 3 weeks.

In conclusion
, although caring for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the most vital matter in the society, it is not necessary for mothers and fathers to take childcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone has their job tasks to do and hire a baby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sitter
can solve the issue.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Caring for children is probably the most important thing of the society It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take the childcare training courses with the statement v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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