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Caring for children is important things of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Caring for children is important things of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. v. 1
Nourishment of children in a better way is very crucial in the society. It is considered that all parents must opt training courses of childcare. However, I do not agree with this statement, and I believe that instead of taking training courses, both parents should do efforts for better nourishment of their children at home. To begin with, the main reason to support my view is that nowadays, both parents have became workaholic and they do not have enough free time. If they take training courses of childcare, then they find it burdensome on their mind because they have to go for courses after coming from jobs and in this situation they will be enable to spend time with their children. Consequently, they will not do anything to take care about their children. Therefore, I believe that parents should spend quality time with their children rather than wasting time on training courses and within this time they should teach essential skills such as cooperation, coordination, teamwork, politeness, which will be useful in their child's future. In future if Children have good manners then obviously parents will be considered as world's best caring parents. Additionally, parents should also support their children in any situation (emergency, failure in exam or competition) and they should motivate them time to time. Thus, children will acquire a lot of confidence to achieve their goals. It is believed that joint family is the key factor for nurturing children. This is because that every member of a family have different own ways to look after the children and they put certain efforts by own self. Children have to learn different opinions from every family member. For instance, only grandparents can impart moral values among children. Therefore, children and parents should live in joint family instead of living alone. In conclusion, it seems to me that parents should spend time with their childs, and they should also live in joint family for better caring of children without wasting time on training courses.
Nourishment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a better way is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial in the society. It
is considered
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
opt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
of childcare.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, and I believe that
instead
of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should do efforts for better nourishment of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main reason to support my view is that nowadays, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
Use past participle here: "become".
became
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workaholic and
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. If they take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
of childcare, then they find it burdensome on their mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
after coming from jobs and in this situation they will be
Consider using the past participle "enabled"?
enable
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Consequently
, they will not do anything to take care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
and within this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they should teach essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as cooperation, coordination, teamwork, politeness, which will be useful in their child's future. In future if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners then
obviously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
be considered
as world's best caring parents.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
also
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in any situation (emergency, failure in exam or competition) and they should motivate them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
confidence to achieve their goals. It
is believed
that joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the key factor for nurturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that every member of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways to look after the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they put certain efforts by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions from every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
grandparents can impart moral values among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
instead
of living alone.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "children", the plural form of the noun 'child'?
childs
, and they should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for better caring of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Caring for children is important things of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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