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Being a celebrity– such as a film star or singer – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v.1

Being a celebrity– such as a film star or singer – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v. 1
Being a celebrity requires a lot of relentless effort and determination. However, despite its lack of privacy and fake news, I still believe that the benefits of being a celebrity outweigh the disadvantages. One of the biggest drawbacks which celebrities have to deal with is a lack of privacy in their personal life. While I concede that they live in a bigger house with luxurious cars and extreme facilities. As media is always there to follow them to give every detail to followers, who are usually eager to know about their personal lives. As a result, they are not able to enjoy freely like other ordinary people and they tend to be very cautious at all times. Another negative is media created fake news about famous people’s lives in the magazine and on TV channels which can hurt the image of that well-known personality. For instance, recently an actor in family function refused to click a photo with one of his followers, resulted in breaking news that actor is arrogant and does not know how to treat the audience. Thus, it is evident that media is a major cause to spoil the celebrity image. Despite its drawbacks which are a real concern, there are many advantages to being a celebrity. One positive aspect is it opens the doors to wealth through various avenues. A renowned person can gain an offer by many national and international companies to work in advertisements to endorse their products. Consequently, they seem to have a lot of chances to earn huge amount of money and have a luxurious life. Another benefit which celebrity brings is being a role model for the audience. There are augmenting numbers of fans who follow and imitate celebrity blindly. They often get inspired by them to work hard to achieve such a luxurious life. As a result, some fans turn out to be stars. In conclusion, although I admit that the lack of privacy and fake news is inevitable in celebrity life, the benefits it brings is invaluable to our society in the form of admiration for youngsters. Therefore, I believe the advantages of being a celebrity outweigh its disadvantages.
Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
relentless effort and determination.
However
, despite its lack of privacy and fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, I
still
believe that the benefits of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
outweigh the disadvantages.

One of the biggest drawbacks which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with is a lack of privacy in their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. While I concede that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a bigger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with luxurious cars and extreme facilities. As media is always there to follow them to give every detail to followers, who are
usually
eager to know about their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
As a result
, they are not able to enjoy
freely
like other ordinary
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they tend to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cautious at all times. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
is media created fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the magazine and on TV channels which can hurt the image of that well-known personality.
For instance
, recently an actor in family function refused to click a photo with one of his followers, resulted in breaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that actor is arrogant and does not know how to treat the audience.
Thus
, it is evident that media is a major cause to spoil the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
image.

Despite its drawbacks which are a real concern, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect is it opens the doors to wealth through various avenues. A renowned person can gain an offer by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
national and international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to work in advertisements to endorse their products.
Consequently
, they seem to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
chances to earn huge amount of money and have a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Another benefit which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
brings is being a role model for the audience. There are augmenting numbers of fans who follow and imitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
blindly
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired by them to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve such a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fans turn out to be stars.

In conclusion
, although I admit that the lack of privacy and fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is inevitable in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the benefits it brings is invaluable to our society in the form of admiration for youngsters.
Therefore
, I believe the advantages of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
outweigh its disadvantages.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Being a celebrity– such as a film star or singer – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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